Image credit: Splooshworld
As someone who considers herself a fairly strong woman who very rarely takes any kind of shit, I’m frequently surprised by my desire to be sexually debased. I know many people reading this will be able to explain why this may be and I understand it myself – what we desire in “life” and in sex are very different – and yet still the question persists… whhhhyyyy? As a victim of sexual assault, why would I be drawn to encounters of roughness, humiliation and power play? Why would I essentially want to disregard an element of my humanness at such a vulnerable moment?
If I put on my rational hat, I’d probably think it has something to do with being able to take back some measure of control or rewrite an unpleasant situation. It makes a lot of sense when you consider it that way. Yet it surprises me that things that happened so long ago could still be in play when it comes to my desires. Or is it that they became intrinsically linked to my desires when they occurred? Probably a bit of both. Also, I think that, as someone whose experimented a lot and watched a lot of porn, maybe I’m desensitised and looking for something that makes me feel more. Not that sex without intimidation, humiliation, etc. is boring… Hmmmm, I actually don’t know where I’m going with this line of thinking.
When I watch porn, I vary to extremes; either I like the nicely shot stuff with the attractive people and the respectful looking sex or I like when the girl is treated like a mostly inanimate plaything, usually with more than one guy. I don’t want her to be crying or anything like that but I’m ok with some visual discomfort and rough housing. The men view her as something attractive to play with. If she feels pleasure it’s purely incidental, a by-product of their actions or maybe something they instigate for their amusement but never the main focus. What matters is what they take from her and the visible and audible pleasure they get from using her body.
Image credit: Storify
For myself, I haven’t really explored how far down the rabbithole I’m willing to go. Thoughts of being owned, commanded, verbally debased, physically overpowered and shared at will are all highly arousing. When I read about it, I want to experience it for myself – but always in submission to a man. Gender plays a huge role in it for me; somehow it’s not as appealing to be dominated by a woman. The element of power, strength and danger seem to fall away even as I know I could be just as easily be overpowered and controlled by a woman. Who do I think I am?! I’m tiny, a ten year old child could probably overpower me! A man with a female accomplice is gettting back on track but not a woman on her own. It’s fucked, I know, but the crotch wants what the crotch wants (crude as it is). There’s actually a small part of me that’s attracted to dominating another woman but it’s definitely not as defined as the part that wants to submit – to be debased, humiliated, controlled, belittled, manipulated, used. Whatever word you prefer, it amounts to this: to be made to not feel like a person in any sexual sense of the word, to be just a plaything, an object someone can treat as they will and for their own pleasure.
Image credit: Polyvore
But then again, how many of our fantasties turn out to be less than stellar once realised? I could think I want it and then realise it’s way too confronting. Who knows? The mind is a fickle thing.