I feel like I can finally offer you a change of pace from the last couple of posts, which I feel have been quite negative.
Jared, Cherish and I all had a really nice day yesterday, overall. We got up and went for breakfast. I drove; I just got my license last year and Jared bought me a Mini for my bday back in March so I’ve been trying to get my confidence back seeing as I hadn’t driven since I passed my test back in June. Australian driving laws don’t let me drive Jared’s car on a Provisional license because it’s too powerful. Once I get a full (read: big girl/adult) license, I can drive it but not for a few years (min. 3 years since I got my P plates). Wow, I’ve digressed so soon. Not unusual for me though, I suppose.
Anyway, neither Cherish or I slept very well. She was quite restless all night, which kept me awake so I eventually told her to get in the middle so I could cuddle her. This ended up with me lying there next to her, unable to sleep; something which would normally have made me spiral into a very dark mood. However, there was something about her being so close to me and cuddling in various positions while listening to her breathing that actually calmed me down. So I didn’t end up getting up in a shitty mood after all. Poor Cherish didn’t wake up too well though.
After we went for breakfast, we walked out to a nearby aquarium as both Jared and Cherish love fish and both want to get a fish tank. Cherish already has one, which she’s left at her ex’s place and Jared used to have one at our previous place but gave it to his brother when we moved and didn’t have space for it. There were moments throughout the morning when my head tried to make me feel insecure or left out but I told my brain to shut the fuck up. And it did, thankfully.
After the aquarium, we (I – I was still driving!) dropped Cherish home so she could nap and Jared and I went to visit his grandma in hospital. She just had a pacemaker put in but she was in quite good spirits and we ended getting to hang out with pretty much his whole family as everyone had come to visit her around the same time. (Aside: we’d told Cherish she could come with us, I just don’t think she felt comfortable and just wanted to sleep). After spending time with them, we went into the city so Jared could pick up some new sneakers (I got a pair too) and then went and had lunch. I was still driving everywhere and hadn’t endangered our lives in any real way – yay!
When we got home, Cherish was napping so Jared and I just pottered around til she woke up. Unfortunately, she’d had some bad dreams and was feeling quite anxious and out of sorts when she did get up. I snuggled her for a bit on the couch and then we took it into the bedroom. There was some making out in both locations and eventually Jared joined us. We all made out and then Jared fucked Cherish for a little bit. He tried to fuck me but I told him to focus on Cherish (more on that in a bit) but that I would suck his cock, if he brought it up to my mouth. Which he did, quite willingly, and both Cherish and I took turns sucking his dick. I loved that I could taste Cherish on him when he first entered my mouth. Cherish loves anal and can really only come that way so eventually he started fucking her in the ass but, I think because she was anxious, she told him to stop. He went and washed himself off and then him and I fucked and came together and we all ended up bursting out laughing because of all the noise we were making (and I expect Cherish was giggling at Jared’s orgasm face).
While the sex is generally good with us, there have been some teething problems now that we’re a three. Issues of inclusion and ensuring everyone is happy and getting what they need have put quite a bit of pressure on Jared, seeing as he’s literally the only dick in the room. After finishing the book Vagina, I felt like what I needed was more intimacy during sex and, for me, that meant him coming inside me. Later that evening, I told him that I was happy to forego him fucking me every time we have sex as a three because I would prefer he only fuck me if he’s going to come with me. Does that make sense? For me, when he fucks her, fucks me, goes back to her and comes with her, it makes me feel a bit like a stop off on the way to the real thing. So I said hopefully by just being able to focus on one of us (penetration-wise), it might take some of the pressure off him. I will of course still be interacting with both of them and I get off massively on watching them fuck so it’s not like I’m checking out of the sex entirely. For me, this is the way I ensure that I feel connected to him when we do fuck.
Back to the day, Jared had made a big, slow cooked ragu, which we all sat down to eat before Cherish had to go to work. We’d noticed she’d been out of sorts all day and, just before she had to leave for work, she told us she was feeling stressed out and anxious. She wasn’t sure we were all happy and she felt left out, like she wasn’t really a part of things (she mentioned all the pictures on the walls without her in them but I think that was just a way to explain how she felt like the odd one out in our existing long term relationship). We listened to her and agreed it must be hard to find your feet in a relationship like ours that’s already so established. I told her how I’d been feeling left out myself sometimes because of their (hers and Jared’s) natural chemistry and how I sometimes felt excluded from that but that it was no fault of theirs that it made me feel insecure. We told her that what we’re doing is difficult and we’re going to have rough times so we have to believe it will work and that we want to make it work. That she has to talk to us when she feels like this so she doesn’t overthink it and stress herself out.
I think it ended well as we gently teased her that she hates getting her photo taken anyway and, every time we want to take photos with her, she fights it. She laughed and agreed that that was just an example; it was more a way to explain how she was feeling. I think our sense of humour also gets to her – it’s very dry and often involves a lot of teasing, which for us feels natural and non-offensive but it clearly doesn’t sit well with her. It was the same way with my sister until she got used to us and realised we weren’t being serious. I think it might take a bit longer with Cherish but that’s ok. We need to be sensitive to her needs and, if our teasing makes her feel bad – even if we don’t mean it to, then we should tone it down, not just tell her to toughen up.
After Cherish left for work, Jared and I also had a chat. That was when I told him about my need for him to not fuck me unless he comes with me. He said no one asks him what he wants sexually but, when I asked him what he wants, he just said he wants everyone to be happy and comfortable and that, at the moment, he kind of dreads having sex with us, which made me sad. I know we had a tough weekend last weekend when we had sex twice but he didn’t make either of us come and we (mostly me) made a comment about it. I know I shouldn’t have but oh well, I was frustrated. After finishing Vagina, I have a clearer idea of what is making me feel the way I do and we spoke about intimacy and being affectionate with one another (not just sexually but also just in our day to day lives) and the coming together issue. Hopefully, he will now feel less pressured. Not sure if it’s self-centred of me to think that by just telling him what I need, things will be all good but what else can I do? Obviously, we need to talk about it as a three as we don’t really know what Cherish is feeling sex-wise. She isn’t very comfortable talking about sex or asking for what she wants although she has definitely improved since we first started seeing her. Oh my god, there’s just so much talking!
Jared and I then had sex on our own for one of the first times since we started seeing Cherish. I think this is only the second time, the first being on our 12 year anniversary a few weeks ago. Anyway, it was nice to have him to myself and hopefully he felt less pressure seeing as it was just me and he knows me and we can be more relaxed when it’s just us. We watched some TV afterwards (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) but went to bed part way through to read our books then went to sleep.
For the first time in ages, I actually had a good solid block of unbroken sleep – all the way through to 5.30am when I woke up quite suddenly and went out to see if Cherish had come home. She’d told us she was going to the bar she used to work at to see one of her best friends as it was his last night working there. She hadn’t planned on having a big night but we’d told her to just enjoy herself and both of us suspected she would be out quite late, just knowing the group of friends she’d be with and that everyone would be in party mode. As anticipated, she wasn’t home yet but she messaged at 5.46am to say she was just leaving the bar and would sleep at her house and see us later (we’ve got plans to go to the movies). Her and I texted for awhile seeing as I was awake and she said she was going back to hers to chat with her friend so I said good night/morning and laid around in bed for a little while longer, snuggled with Jared and then got up and here I am writing this blog post at 8.12am.
So there you have it. A day in the life of a poly triad. Lots of emotion, lots of talking and occasionally a lot of fucking.