And then, the doubt monsters…

With everything moving so quickly with Eve (the sexting continues and we’re due to meet her on Saturday), I’ve found myself plagued with doubts. Are we opening a Pandora’s box by bringing another woman into our relationship? Is this really a good idea? What kind of person wants to do something like this? What’s wrong with me that this is what excites me?

And then, of course, the more personal, intimate fears. What if he likes her more than me? What if he breaks our rules? What if things unravel and he starts texting her separately and… and… and. My god, the brain is like a runaway train sometimes. I’ve even been questioning my own bisexuality. Do I really like girls or am I trying to be that ‘ Cool Girl’ (yes, I’ve read Gone Girl). Can you imagine?

In my better moods, I don’t entertain these questions. It’s only when I’m low, like I have been today, that these thoughts have the chance to get hold and run amok. Is it normal to feel this way about making such a big change in the dynamic of your relationship? I would think so. Maybe it’s healthy to be concerned. To acknowledge that, yes, this is a risky thing and things could go wrong.

With our big meeting looming overhead, now seems like a good time to contemplate our relationship, to think about whether we’re really in a strong enough place to be doing this. However, today might not be the best day for such introspection. I think I will ponder this more tomorrow when, hopefully, my spirits will have lifted.

Thank you, Ultimate Athletic Fitness, for visually representing my thoughts.


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