Fucking vs connecting (and then fucking)

I spent a lot of time today reading polyamory blogs and blogs that deal with so called alternative lifestyles/relationships (bdsm, D/s, etc.). And, it hasn’t taken long but I think I’m beginning to understand what I want from this whole adventure. Let me explain how I got here.

We were due to meet with Eve on Saturday but, when I messaged her to find out what time worked for dinner, she said she was sick and would need a few weeks to recover. Of course, my partner and me immediately thought maybe she didn’t like us anymore or that we’d done something wrong but I don’t think that’s the case. She’s still messaging us and seems genuinely disappointed.

However, in the meantime, my partner had found another girl via 3nder and we started texting her as well. With Eve, we started quite slow; asking questions about what each person liked/disliked, getting to know one another until finally we started sending photos and texting. All this over the course of a bit over a week with our first meeting due to happen two weeks from first contact. This felt good, maybe a bit quick but not too rushed, really.

This new person was extremely forward, didn’t want to know anything about us and talked in that hateful text speak that shortens every word and drives me fucking crazy. She is much younger than us as well (Eve is closer to our age) and, try as I might, I just couldn’t get excited about it all. She sent pictures. She was willing. She was attractive. But, for me, there was nothing.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against straight up fucking. I did plenty of it in my youth and had absolutely no issue with taking a complete stranger home. When I first came to Australia as an 18 year old, I met a few sex partners (including a few couples) through online chat rooms and a bdsm website so I’m no prude but I think my needs have changed.

I want someone I can connect with. Yes, I want to be attracted to them and I want to have sex but I think I want it to be more than just that. I want to like this person. To know them. To have them be a part of what I have with my partner. Even as I type this, I’m uncertain about this last aspect but I know I didn’t feel right about the girl who just wanted to fuck us.

Yes, I know this person that I want is a “unicorn” but, even if it wasn’t a full blown polyamorous relationship, even if it was more of a regular threesome/somewhat friendship situation, that would be better than a one night fuckfest. At least to me, I think my partner would be more open to the fuckfest option. 😉

Don’t get me wrong, maybe if the right super-hot girl came along with amazing chat, then I would be down but I think a part of me would want more, would be sad if it was just a one off. Am I going into this with unrealistic expectations? Maybe. How about we just see how the whole ‘bringing another girl into our bed’ situation plays out before we go making any grand plans?

Well, I am known to get ahead of myself sometimes.

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