What’s ‘fair’ in an open relationship?

My partner’s straight and I’m bisexual. We’ve been together nearly ten years and have recently decided to have a threesome with another woman (not our first by any means but definitely our first for a long time). When discussing possible options for how the opening of our relationship would play out, one of the things that came up was would we only see other women, no men?

Now, I can’t lie. I’ve missed being with women, although my partner has had no issue with me being with one during our time together. I’ve had free reign to kiss, make out with and seduce any woman I like with the unspoken implication that, if anything came to fruition, it would be something we would do together. Or I would at least discuss with and report back to him, if he wasn’t “invited”. Aside from the threesomes (and a random encounter in the bathroom of a bar), nothing had ever gone further than just kissing or light petting so, until now, it hadn’t really be something that required real consideration.

But, as we were discussing the ‘other woman’ aspect, I decided to raise the issue of ‘other men’. There have definitely been men that I’ve been attracted to during the time we’ve been together. However, generally these are people we know, people we are friends with, which is something that has the potential to complicate our relationship and/or ruin friendships.

At this stage, our ‘openness’ only extends to doing things together as a couple and my partner stated not being bi as his main reason for not wanting to bring any additional dick into the equation. Fair enough, I said. This makes sense. Also, I know he is not particularly keen on seeing another man fuck ‘his’ woman whereas I am definitely turned on by the idea of him fucking someone else.

I definitely don’t want to force the issue and make him do something he wouldn’t be comfortable with. It should always be something we both agree to without feeling any undue pressure to go along with what’s being proposed. Still, every now and again I wonder if it’s ‘fair’? And what is fair anyways? Fair should always be what we’re both comfortable with and, if he’s not comfortable with additional men, that should be the end of the story.

‘But he gets to see other girls…’ whines the ill-tempered, easily slighted back-of-my-mind.

‘Ah yes, but you also get to see women, who you are attracted to. He isn’t attracted to men,’ the rational part of the brain snaps back. It can go on forever.

At the moment, I’m happy for things to be where they are. I want to see how our relationship handles this first development before pushing for more radical change. If we ever get to the point where we’re seeing other people on our own, then maybe I will raise this issue again. If I really want to.

Image thanks to the good people at 123RF.

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