So… we’ve discovered Tinder. My god, addictive! But also a little sad. I don’t know why but it is. Maybe it’s the ease with which you can reject someone based on just one photo. I’m one of those people who reads the profiles, swipes through all the pictures and then makes an assessment based on whether or not I can see that person in my life. Overthinking things, basically. My partner? Just swipe, swipe, swipe. Very different approaches. Needless to say, I’ve gotten less matches, not that it’s a competition or anything (it kind of is, we’re a little competitive).
We had originally decided against Tinder because, unlike 3nder, you can’t hide yourself from Facebook friends who may be on the app. And, in actual fact, we have seen quite a few friends and will send each other text messages saying, “Look who I found!”. Not that it’s anything to be ashamed of. It’s just that online dating has become much more prevalent and socially acceptable since we were last single.
We changed our minds about Tinder this week because I think we’ve actually realised that we’re serious about what we’re doing and it’s a strong enough decision in our minds that we’re no longer worried about who knows. If anyone asked us about it, we’d be 100% honest and say, “We’re looking for a girlfriend”. Simple as that. There’s nothing to ashamed of and I think we’re both not-so-secretly waiting for that first person to ask so we can make it ‘official’.
It’s been a fun experience with the app so far. You swipe, swipe, swipe and then the excitement of getting a match. Of course, once you get a match, there’s still the question of whether or not they actually read your profile. Mine is very honest. I state that I’m part of a couple. That I’m bisexual. List our interests. That we’re looking for a girlfriend but happy to start slow. All my pictures are of me and J and yet still people are surprised. Some don’t respond, some un-match, some apologise and wish me luck. Others say yes, they’re intrigued, they swiped right on purpose and off we go. That’s just the start of it, really.
I’m of the mind that a person’s online communication style, i.e. their messaging and texting skills, will be reflective of their conversation skills in real life. You find people with terrible chat on many dating/sex sites, not just Tinder. One word or statement responses. No banter. No questions. They expect you to pursue them. In my mind, if you’ve both indicated your interest, it should be a two way street. We should both carry on the conversation. It can’t actually be a conversation if it’s one sided or if you’re just responding to me and not giving me anything to work with in return. In those cases, I just give up. I take it as a sign that things wouldn’t work outside the computer/phone and I may as well not push forward.
That being said, I’ve actually been surprised by the number of people that are into the idea of being with a couple – whether sexually or more. So many people have expressed frustration with a monogamous existence where you expect your partner to be your absolute everything or they’re bi and they don’t see why they should have to pick just one. Or they’re curious to explore their bisexual side. We’ve had much more success than I was expecting, that’s for sure.
Our month of August is fast filling up with dates to meet people and see if we click. We spent pretty much half of yesterday messaging people and arranging meet ups. We’ve kind of worked our way around to the mentality of culling the people whose chat is weak and then scheduling real life meetings with the remainder so we can see if they’re a good fit for us. No sense messaging for ages, it’s what happens in person that matters.
In fact, we met a Tinder girl for coffee yesterday. The conversation flowed and we had some laughs and she was really, really nice. She had a really great energy and I felt very comfortable with her. I’m not sure that we’re that sexually attracted to her but, even if we never go any further, I think we could easily be friends with her. Which is actually quite a nice result.
Our next date is scheduled for Saturday 1 August and then we have at least one a week for the next three weeks so far. Things are looking up or, at least, we are going to be very busy meeting new people.