The first out

Today was the first time I’ve discussed our poly adventure with someone that wasn’t J or a person we’ve met online. It came up quite randomly. We’re friends with a girl at work, one of the managers that works under my partner. We’d requested a Saturday night off so we could go on a date with Alicia. Our friend does the rosters at J’s bar and asked why we needed the night off (to gauge how important it was). I dodged the issue and said we were catching up with a friend and immediately felt bad for not being up front and saying we were going on a date. I wasn’t ashamed of it and I hate lying so I was upset with myself for not fessing up to what we were really doing.

Later that night, I headed into the staff room to eat my dinner and she was sitting in there doing a last bit of work before she signed off. We have a weekend away planned with her and another couple at the end of August. She was originally going to be the “fifth wheel” but then decided to invite a guy she’s been seeing (but not admitting to). I asked her point blank why she’d decided to invite him and we got to talking about relationships, monogamy and marriage – traditional relationship stuff.

She’d shared with me about this guy that she’d previously denied being involved with and then asked if I wanted to get married. I saw my chance to correct my earlier lie (well, if not correct, then at least own up to the reason behind the lie) and said, “Yes… but things are a bit complicated now as we’re looking for a girlfriend and I don’t know if our getting married would eventually make that person feel excluded.”

I blurted it all out and then waited for the uncomfortable silence to follow. But it didn’t. She seemed to take my news in stride. Although, maybe that’s because she doesn’t seem put much stock in the whole monogamous, one-person-for-the-rest-of-your-natural-life thing either. I suppose you don’t need to be bi or poly to feel like the traditional relationship stance is flawed.

To be honest, it felt good to finally discuss it with someone that exists in our ‘real life’. It feels good to have it out in the open like it’s no big deal. I’m sure I have other friends that’ll respond differently but, for now, it’s been positive. And somehow it feels more real and, if possible, even more exciting now that it’s been spoken about. Like acknowledging what we’re doing means we’re really serious about it.

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