What I’m looking for in a woman

We’ve been on this looking-for-a-girlfriend journey for about two months now and I feel like every day we’re refining what we’re looking for. We’re talking to a few girls at the moment and the more we interact, the more we realise what we do and don’t like. Last night, we took a long bath together and, amongst other things, found ourselves discussing what we find attractive in a woman.

The below is by no means a definitive list (I’m sure I’ve forgotten something) and there is a bit of overlap between points. I also don’t mean for it to sound like a checklist or to trivialise things in any way. I just found it interesting that so much of what we spoke about was intellectual/mental and not the standard physical stuff.

  • Confident – for both J and me, this is one of the biggest turn ons. Confidence is one of the absolute sexiest things about a woman
  • Outgoing – we’re both pretty social so we wouldn’t want a shy person who’s going to retreat into the background, either when it’s just the three of us or with our/their friends
  • Opinionated – thinks/talks about things as well as being willing to start/jump into a conversation and speak her mind. J and me spend a lot of time discussing things and we think having a third opinion would make it a lot more interesting (not that our conversations aren’t already interesting)
  • Someone who is comfortable with who they are and what they want or is at least committed to finding out – you don’t have to know exactly what you’re looking for but at least be open to new experiences and talking about what interests you
  • Honest – absolute deal breaker. I can’t stand liars and, aside from straight up dishonesty, this also includes the little lies we tell about what we do and don’t like. If you don’t like something or don’t want to do something, say so, you’re allowed to say no. You’re also allowed to speak up and say yes to what you do like or want to do, in fact, it’s encouraged
  • Has good chat and witty banter with a healthy dose of sarcasm and inappropriate humour – also of paramount importance, we generally don’t tolerate people who bring nothing to a conversation
  • Social, likes having a good time and meeting new people – we both work in hospitality so we spend a lot of time in bars and restaurants. A lot. It’s kind of important that they enjoy these things too… They don’t have to work in hospitality or be an alcoholic or party animal but they should enjoy a good drink and nice meal and maybe a few late nights here and there 🙂
  • Open minded – nuff said
  • Not jealous/possessive or at least willing to work on their jealousy – neither of us are jealous people (and we can both be quite flirtatious) so would want to have someone else in our relationship who also doesn’t feel possessive or can work through it if they do
  • Good communicator – someone who will speak up if they’re unhappy/don’t like something (and if they do :)). I can sometimes struggle with communication (especially when I’m unhappy) so we definitely don’t need another ‘me’ in our midst

Hmmm… that’ll do for the time being, I suppose. Looking back, it does seem like we’re looking for the perfect woman. I’d imagine we’ll have to compromise but this is at least a good starting point for what’s important to us.


4 thoughts on “What I’m looking for in a woman

    1. Hahah yes, well I do have to agree there. But I forced myself to make a conscious effort not to focus on the physical. A physical list of desires would have been a very different post. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. So true. But I think we also have to embody those things too. Can’t expect someone to be honest, outgoing, social, etc., etc., if you’re not willing to be those things as well.


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