Respecting boundaries

The Man and me have been having lots of discussions lately. One of the things I love most about our decision to explore the poly life together is that we are talking so much more. One of the things we discussed most recently – which honestly is something I’d been pondering in my own private time – is about who we see.

At this point, we’re only opening our relationship to women. I would definitely be open to seeing men but J is straight and isn’t particularly enthused about the idea of sharing me with someone who has a cock. This applies to both a threesome setting and also me seeing guys separately. At this stage, we’re only seeing girls together.

At first, this annoyed me. I was being so open minded about him being with other women but wasn’t getting the same openness from him (although I can see other girls). Was it really fair? Clearly, I was the superior being who had evolved past the jealousy and possessiveness he was still dealing with. But then we talked about it. He isn’t bi. He didn’t want to be with guys. I am bi and do want to be with girls. I am turned on by the idea of him being with another woman (and, yes if I must admit, also with other guys). He likes the idea of me being with another girl, but not with a guy.

Those are the simple facts.  If I force the issue, he’ll be uncomfortable, resentful and hurt. He’d be agreeing to something he didn’t want, didnt enjoy, just to make me happy. That’s not what this is about. What we do must be consensual. We should both agree on who we see. No one should feel pressured to see someone, even if the other person likes them. We both have to like them and this applies to women that I may not like as well.

We spent some time talking this through and this is the conclusion we came to and, even though we didn’t come to an agreement that involves total openness, I feel like this is the right agreement for us at this stage. Who knows what we’ll evolve into in the future but, for now, this is us and it feels right.


3 thoughts on “Respecting boundaries

  1. I wouldn’t be surprised if after you two have been at it for a while he opens up a bit. He’s not going to go from straight arrow to rainbow bright, but if you two work it out with a female and he becomes comfortable with that I wouldn’t be surprised if he eases up on the no-males rule. Of course it could go the complete opposite and he may realize he’s just as jealous of a you with a woman and it’ll all come to an end! lol. Roll of the dice. Sometimes we can’t foresee exactly what our feelings will do in a situation until we’re actually in the situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. EXACTLY what I’m thinking. You never know how you’re going to feel about something til you’ve done it and seen how it changes you. I say I’m excited by him being with another woman but who really knows how I’ll feel when there are emotions involved and it’s not just sex. I might be the one who can’t handle it! That’s why we’re allowing ourselves plenty of discussion/debrief time after meeting/being with someone so we have time to really see how we feel about everything. Hopefully that helps.

      Liked by 1 person

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