It’s a busy week this week. As I mentioned yesterday, we’ll hopefully be meeting Alicia on Saturday. We’re also having drinks with Carmen tonight, another Tinder match.
I have a somewhat standard process I go through with Tinder. I’m set up as a woman looking for women (no couple option, Tinder! Where’s the inclusion?). My couple status is clearly stated in my profile and every photo is one of J and me but I know a lot of people just look at your first pic and make a decision based on that. Being as wonderfully good looking as I am ;), many women swipe right without bothering to read my profile.
So, when I get a new match, the very first thing I do is to send a quick message asking if they saw that I’m part of a poly couple. Most don’t answer, a small few un-match and the rest fall into two camps: ‘yes, I saw it’ or ‘no, I didn’t but I’m curious’. Then it’s up to me to work my witty banter magic. I’ve always had to make the first move/send the first message. Maybe it’s that I spend more time on my phone and see the match first or maybe that’s just the nature of the game when you’re the couple and they’re the single.
So, of course, I was pleasantly surprised when Carmen beat me to the punch on the first contact front and was super keen to meet up, straight away. This was the week before we went away to Splendour and she was also going away around the same time. We couldn’t find a time before we left so here we are with our first meet tonight. Very excited. She is super hot, lives close by (like 5mins away in the next suburb over) and it seems like we’d have a lot in common, lifestyle wise.
She is seeing someone (a guy) but I don’t see that as being an issue so long as he’s aware of what’s going on and is OK with it. I don’t see why our potential third shouldn’t have their own relationship, so long as there’s time in their schedule for us. And, to be honest, depending on what he’s like, who knows what could happen with our dynamic in the future? Although I think he is going overseas in a few months. Anyways, I’m getting ahead of myself. This is our first ‘date’, let’s see how it all goes.
I’ve been quite surprised by this journey. There seems to be no shortage of people who are dissatisfied with monogamy and are looking for something more. It doesn’t seem to be a hard leap for someone who’s bisexual to consider being with a couple so long as they find both people attractive. And, as is normal for dating, it’s not so much a lack of potential people as it is finding people you’re actually attracted to and who you click with. I don’t think of J and me as terribly picky but we do place a high value on intelligence and conversation (as well as on sexual attraction).
The people we’ve told so far about ‘us’, our friends, I mean, have been very accepting and are mostly just curious about how it would work. So far, J’s brother knows as does the female friend from work that I told and another couple friend that J mentioned our date to on Saturday gone. I’m sure more people know as those people have probably told other people. Yet no one has been shocked. No one has been disgusted. I’m sure we’ll come across these people (I’m thinking they’re going to be of the family variety) but so far it has all been very accepting and any reluctance to tell people has been more just me coming to terms with not being embarrassed by it.
The further we get down this path, the more I feel like it’s the right decision. It’s done wonders for our sex life (which was already good), for our relationship (also good) and no one has called us perverts yet. Amazing. I’m sure there’ll be tough times and times when I question what the fuck I’m doing but, for now, things are good and I’m so excited by the possibilities.