When you don’t fuck on the first date, how can you tell if you’ve been friendzoned?

What shall I write about today? Hmmmm… maybe last night’s first date with Carmen would be a good place to start. You guys ok with that? I thought you might be. 😉

We’d planned to meet her at a little wine bar around 6pm but she messaged to push it back to 7pm. We didn’t have anything planned so it wasn’t a problem for us. We got there right on time and I ran in to get us a spot while J parked the car. This place is seriously tiny and doesn’t accept reservations. I scored us a super cosy window seat and busily scrutinised the wine list while waiting for J and Carmen to arrive.

Carmen was about 20mins late (finding a park was hard!) so by the time she got there J had a negroni and I was sipping on an Aperol spritz (the restaurant had a bit of a modern Italian thing going on). Carmen ordered a scotch neat with a dash of water and we all sat around chatting while nibbling on olives, warm bread and olive oil. The plan was just to have drinks but drinks soon turned into dinner. A few glasses of wine and two and a half hours later, we hugged and cheek-kissed Carmen good bye.

It was a great date, the first date that we’ve both walked away from feeling like we could be with that person. She’s smart, funny and hot (the trifecta!) plus she likes similar things and lives close by. We all sent each other text messages afterwards saying we’ll hang out again soon.

Now to let you in on a little bit of my fucked-up-ness. On the drive home, I said to J that I thought it went well but how do we know if she really likes us? We didn’t kiss. We didn’t fuck. How are we supposed to know that we haven’t been friendzoned? J laughed and said, “You think about these things like a guy. When you’re dating someone, sometimes you go on more than one date before jumping into bed.” He guessed that’s where this was going but we’d just have to put in work, which is fine.

I will let you in on a secret though: these dates we’ve been going on are some of the first in my entire life. Yes, I’m a 32 year old woman in a 9+ year relationship and I’ve never really dated.

  • I’ve met people in bars and taken them home/gone home with them
  • I went on one date in Year 12 (dinner and a movie) and kissed him in the driveway and spoke on the phone a few times afterwards but nothing more
  • Had another date (dinner and drinks) with a guy I met on the internet, fucked him and never saw him again
  • Went on a few “dates” with a guy who took me to a Hellfire club and a few strip clubs – didn’t do anything with him
  • Met other people on the net that were straight hook-ups, no dating
  • Had long term fuck buddies that eventually evolved into the occasional meal outside the house/bedroom
  • J and me fucked on our first kind of group date with two non-couple friends and then continued fucking for a few months before going on our first date.

And there you have it, my dating history in a nutshell. And yes, it might include some dates but nothing that really comprises any kind of slow-paced, ‘normal’ courting regimen. So perhaps now you can understand my confusion. In the past, if I’ve liked someone, I’ve fucked them. If I find someone attractive, why should I deny myself what we both no doubt want? My primary focus was never a relationship so I wasn’t too concerned about whether he/she would call me after. I just figured, if the sex was good, we would keep seeing each other and that was that. Feelings didn’t come into it.

Now, I’m not ripping on Carmen in any way, just trying to explain the uncertainty I was flooded with when the date ended with hugs and chaste kisses. In my mind, I couldn’t tell if she liked us that way. J assured me that she did and that we would just have to go slow and see where things went. Lucky he understands how the ‘normal’ world works because I have no fucking clue.

Anyways, after the date, we went home and did some pretty hot sexting with a girl we met on 3nder. I’d planned to let J come in my ass but we got carried away with some intense fucking and he ended up coming in my wet, little pussy instead. Such a terrible result, I know! 😉 Then we fell asleep on the couch watching House of Cards. Bliss. That reminds me, I need to get a butt plug.

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3 thoughts on “When you don’t fuck on the first date, how can you tell if you’ve been friendzoned?

  1. Ah! The butt plug. How could you forget? That was the first thing that came to mind when I started reading this blog entry! 😛

    Hope things work out with Carmen. Sometimes after the second date it’s over. And the “rule” is if it makes it to the third date it’s fun time! I’ll lend you my old rule book.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahah you got me there. The butt plug was never really forgotten. I’m just trying to convert it into a butt plug AND lingerie shopping session. 🙂
      A rule book would be handy, thank you. Even if it’s just so I can learn the rules then break them. I’m a bit of a rebel, you know. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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