I’m beginning to realise that there are probably as many configurations of an open/ethically non-monogamous/polyamorous relationship as there are grains of sand on the beach or fish in the sea. Hello cliché-ville but it’s true. The more I read and explore, the more my eyes and mind are opened. Of course, everyone has their own situation that works for them but, when I hear how someone else does it, I have to contemplate how and/or if that would work for me.
Case in point: Janine, the woman we went on a lunch date with yesterday. She’s in an open marriage in which her and her husband are able to see whoever they want no strings attached but in a kind of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ arrangement. He doesn’t tell her who he fucks and she doesn’t tell him. That even extends to her not telling him if she’s going on a date and vice versa.
Now, this works for them. She’s happy with the arrangement and, of course, not everyone wants to hear every gritty little detail of what their partner’s doing with their private bits when they’re not around. Still, it got me thinking. Could a situation like that work for J and me? I pondered this a fair bit last night and we spoke about it in the shower this morning.
The conclusion? I don’t think so and I say this for two reasons:
- Doing it as a couple. For us, it’s about experiencing things together, not on our own. And yes, when we find our unicorn, I would assume that we would eventually do things as twos every now again but the relationship would still be between three people overall.
- I would want to know. While I would prefer us to see people together, I would be fine with J seeing other people on his own. However, I would want to know exactly what he got up to, partly out of curiosity but mostly because it would turn me on. I would want to know every single sordid detail and then I would want him to fuck me while telling me more.
I appreciate that what works for us won’t work for others and Janine’s situation may well be the perfect set up for her and her husband (it appears to be).
I find it kind of mind boggling how many different ways people can be happy and how crazy it is to try and force yourself into this mould of what’s supposed to make you happy or how you’re meant to live. Our decision to explore polyamory has been one of the best we’ve ever made and, while I do wonder if we’ll ever find ‘the one’, it’s definitely been a great adventure so far just getting out there and experiencing new things.
On a side note: we have a hotel room booked and are going to head in later tonight and just luxuriate in each other’s company. Maybe go for dinner, maybe go dancing, maybe have a few drinks or maybe stay in and do ‘nothing’. J fucked my mouth a little while ago so I’m feeling a bit worked up. I can 100% confirm that, whatever we end up doing in that hotel room, there will definitely be a great deal of sex involved.