Partner swapping developments

Out of nowhere on Sunday, J says that he’s been thinking about partner swapping . Ok maybe not out of nowhere. The girl I was kissing and in the bath with on Saturday night is in an open/poly relationship with her boyfriend. They are the ones that originally inspired me to think of poly as an option for J and me (I mentioned them in my very first post).
I’m not sure what their relationship is now. I don’t know if they have a new girlfriend. I don’t know if they see people separately. I think at least he does based on stories he’s told me about his weekend. Plus he’s never had an issue with me kissing ‘his’ girl. Anyways, J overheard the girl telling her partner that she wanted to go back to our hotel room and he said she could go but he didn’t plan to (he did in the end). I’m not totally sure what their arrangement is but it must have gotten J thinking.
He’s still not keen on (1) me seeing other men on my own or (2) us having an MFM threesome but he is coming around to the idea of an MMFF type situation. His reasoning is that he doesn’t want me to be disrespected. In his mind, for me to go out and be with another guy who I would tell that I’m in open relationship, that guy will think ‘oh, she just wants more dick no strings attached so I can do as I please’ or something along those lines. I suppose it’s up to me how I let people treat me but I can see his point. I’m sure I would encounter those types of people in my travels (as would a single woman in the same situation).
However, if we were to see another couple, there would be the implicit understanding that respect is a required part of the transaction (wrong word, but you get my drift). Everyone is seeing everyone at once so there’s not as much space for judgement or bad behaviour. He can protect me, I suppose, which is a nice idea. Plus, us both being with someone else at the same time would probably distract him from his jealousy (which he says is something he needs to deal with when it comes to men).
This conversation came as quite a shock to me after our earlier discussions in May and July, where he was so anti-any new dick. It just goes to show that people’s opinions can change and relationships aren’t static. Now, that’s not to say that our next step is joining the queue at our closest swinger’s club, of which there are a few (yes, I looked – a while back though). I think our main focus is still to find a girlfriend but if we happen to meet a couple that we click with along the way so be it. We’ll see what happens.
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4 thoughts on “Partner swapping developments

  1. For a lot of hubbies (or SOs), an MMFF is more palatable than a MFM and the foursome setting can lend itself to dispelling feelings of jealousy and a few other such feelings because it’s more “fair,” you can be better protected from single guys who’d “use and abuse” you because he’s not there to give them the evil eye and make them behave, etc.

    I know that a man’s thoughts tend to evolve in this, going from, “Hell no we ain’t doing that!” to “You know, honey, I was thinking that that thing we talked about might not be all that bad…”- it often just takes time for him to really think things out and as long as he’s sure that he’s not going to lose you to someone else and he can participate in the activities, well, that just makes sense.

    Good luck with all of this and if it pleases you, let us know how things are going!

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    1. Yes, I agree with you on that one. My partner was originally very anti anything with any other guys but, after seeing a potential couple where he could imagine it being a safe place for him/me/us, it made him think. It’s not something I would ever push him on and, if it did happen, he’d have to be the one to suggest it. We’ll see. It might go nowhere, it might go somewhere. I’m perfectly happy to keep it to just the ladies. 🙂 I just found it interesting that his thoughts had changed on it. Thank you for commenting and I will definitely continue to share my adventures.

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  2. We have been in the lifestyle for about 6 years now and we’re just now considering an MFM. I have thought about it for a while, but hub was more resistant, probably for the same reasons you indicate – but who really knows? 😀 We’ve had plenty of FMF experiences and I think he’s ready to let me experience the flip side of that. We still haven’t done it yet, but I have a couple of potential candidates, so I think it will happen soon. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you and good luck to you too! Honestly, I’m not too phased. I’m very content with our quest to find a woman but I found it interesting that his thoughts are changing without me needing to push. One of the things we’ve spoken about is how it’s easier to be with another woman as, physically speaking, she’s not a threat; he doesn’t have the same “bits” as her so there’s no real competition. But bring in another man and it’s a different story. Plus, there’s this whole territorial mindset that men are conditioned to have. “She’s my property. No other man should have her,” and what kind of man would be ok with another man fucking “his” woman, right? I think it’s such a hard thing for men to get right with if they’re not bi. I’m bi so I see another woman as someone I’m sexually attracted to and want to play with whereas he wouldn’t have that with another guy. It’s been a very interesting and honest discussion and, even if it never happens, I appreciate him putting so much thought into it instead of just saying a flat out no and never being willing to budge or even discuss it.

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