Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit guilty about the people we haven’t hit it off with. Of course, this is no one’s fault. Sometimes you just don’t click – no matter how much you want to or how many emails/texts you’ve sent before meeting – sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there when you meet in person. But you have your date, it ends how it ends, someone sends a message saying they had a good night, the others reply and then… what?
At this stage, we just don’t message them with a time for a second date. Honestly, we’re already pressed for time socially, what with fitting in our existing friends and our dates and then I’m supposed to be spending at least some of my free nights studying so I can have my weekends mostly free. So, with all this time pressure, we have to be quite ruthless about who gets a second date. Did we really like that person? No or maybe, I’m not sure? It has to be a resounding yes otherwise we can’t fit it in.
But I don’t know if this is the right way to handle things and it’s really eating me up, especially for someone like Kelly where we slept with her but don’t have any interest in pursuing things further, even though she said she was keen to see us again. Now, I don’t consider myself a swinger but I’ve also never had a problem with casual sex. Still, her case was a little different because I think she was mostly looking for an experience with a couple who’d been with girls before, not a relationship.
At the same time, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or lead them on. I thought that if we saw Kelly again, knowing that we didn’t want anything long term, that it might come across as leading her on (although I suppose it could just be NSA sex). For others where we’ve just had first dates and no sex, we’ve said we’ve had a nice time and then just stuck with radio silence after that. They don’t message, we don’t message. One could easily assume that they’re also not interested in seeing us again either but is silence wrong?
Should we send a message so there’s closure? Something along the lines of (but much nicer), “While we had a great time, we just don’t think you’re the right fit for us”. Or is that meaner and perhaps unnecessary considering they haven’t specifically requested a new date? I’m just not sure of the best approach so no one gets hurt.
I could also be massively over-thinking things. The whole ‘silence’ approach is actually the easiest and everyone gets the message while also being able to maintain their dignity. I mean, if they really wanted to see us again, they could always follow up and then we would have to make a decision about the final text message, so to speak. Phew… this dating this is hard work.