Interactions with another poly couple

You’ve probably heard me talk a few times now about this couple we know who are also poly. I’ve made out with the girl (Emma) a few times and she’s kissed J. We’ve talked about seeing each other but had always been hesitant because, while we talk with the girl a lot, we haven’t had those conversations with the guy (Sasha).

They have a very different relationship from us. They’re totally open in that they see other people on their own as well as together. They’ve been together a bit over four years and had a girlfriend for about six months of that. This was the couple who gave me the idea of finding a girlfriend but, after talking to Emma, it was quite a drama-filled experience for them as the girl was quite needy and insecure and ended up causing trouble between them. Emma and the girl broke up but Sasha kept seeing her for a while after, which I think hurt Emma a bit. Now he wants to see someone else together but she doesn’t like the girl. Fun times.

Hearing all this was surprising for J and me. I suppose we didn’t know them very well and made the assumption that it was all daisies and rose petals. But no. I did actually meet the ‘other’ girl one night at a kick-on at a friend’s house. I remember thinking she was a bit odd; she was latched onto Sasha and wouldn’t go home even though it was very early in the morning and she obviously didn’t want to be out. She ended up going to sleep in the bed of the person whose house it was, rather than go home without Sasha.

Anyways, I digress (as usual). I’d suggested we do dinner with Emma but J had been hesitant because he didn’t want to step on Sasha’s toes or ruin the friendship that’s developing, even though Emma assured us it wouldn’t matter. In fact, she seemed to think he’d be happier it was us (people he could trust to treat her well). But literally a few hours after J put a hold on my dinner plans, Emma messaged us to ask the same thing (great minds!). J finally agreed and we have a date booked in next week.

Then – further developments! – we were in at the bar (with Libby) last night and saw Sasha and Emma. Sasha took the time to tell J he was fine if we wanted to see Emma on our own and confirmed he was happy it was us, rather than the “guys she usually picks”. So it seems like we’re on, even if we do just tread a bit more carefully with it all.

It’s so different for us because we want to do it all together. It’s hard for J to understand how Sasha could be OK with another man being with ‘his’ girl. But clearly Sasha doesn’t have the same mindset. Emma has said that Sasha is open to seeing us as a couple but I don’t think we’re quite in that place yet (or if we ever will be). As I’ve said before, J’s not bi and neither’s Sasha (as far as I know) so it would essentially just be partner swapping. That’s not on the cards for us at the moment. We like Sasha as a friend, not as a potential fourth partner.

So yeah… that’s an interesting development and one I’m interested in seeing how it plays out. I really like Emma and, unlike the girls we meet online, we already know her and know we have fun with her. It seems more of an easy fit but how that works when she already has a relationship is another thing altogether. Plus, as J said, Sasha might be OK with it in principal but when it actually starts happening and he has to share her time with us maybe things will change.

Oh well, we just have to trust them to know their relationship at this point PLUS nothing has even happened yet and we don’t know for sure that it will. So let’s not start getting ahead of ourselves.

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2 thoughts on “Interactions with another poly couple

  1. Yeah… the whole “they’re a couple just like us!” thing can get interesting and can test your way of thinking about this. Sexuality usually does come up, the whole “sharing” thing comes up that’s like swinging (or wife swapping) but not quite like that lifestyle. Tell J for me that the trick to understanding how another man can be okay with a dude being with his girl is that no matter what the other guy does to please her, she will always be his woman and not much is going to change that.

    When you understand this, that sense of jealousy/possessiveness can go by the wayside and while you find yourself being happy that she’s happy, you (again) understand that when it’s all said and done, she’s always coming home to you.

    Some guys balk when dealing with another couple – the “Hey, I’m not bi!” thing that a lot of dudes think of first and this’ll scare the bejeezus out of most straight men. What has to be understood here is that when another couple wants to see you, it’s not because both people are bisexual so you usually don’t have to worry about the other guy suddenly reaching over and palming your ass or any other scary bi guy stuff… unless you become inclined to check it out… and the other guy is willing to check it out as well.

    Otherwise, any sexual interaction will be boy/girl (or even girl/girl if the ladies are down like that) – but the one thing this situation can bring to the table is an expansion of how you’re thinking about this way of life and the things you could learn, be ‘subjected’ to, stuff like that; if nothing else, it’s educational.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I do think that J is focused on the whole ‘not being bi’ thing. To him, the idea of us being with other people is that everyone interacts, which is possible with another girl but not possible (at least not for him) with extra guy.

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