Meeting friends and “not on the first date”

Months ago, we bought tickets to a John Oliver concert with a (non-poly) couple we’re friends with. However, early last week, the husband realised he was going to be away on a boys’ weekend and wouldn’t be able to make it. We’d happened to mention the show to Carmen on Monday (when she cooked dinner… and breakfast for us) and she’d expressed an interest in going. So, when we found out our friend couldn’t go, we told his wife, T, that Carmen would take the ticket (we’re out to her) and T was cool with that and said she was excited to meet her (Carmen).

And so it was that Carmen had her first interaction with one of our friends. Well, the first interaction that didn’t occur while drunk in a bar anyways. She was a bit late to the show so J stayed outside and waited for her while my friend and me went in. The opening act had started by the time they got in so we couldn’t really say any proper hellos until the end. After the show, we all went for pho and ice cream. Carmen has a really inappropriate sense of humour that fit in really well with everyone. We spent the night laughing and teasing one another and both Carmen and T messaged us later saying how much fun they had and how much they each liked the other.

So that was good.

Our date with Libby (last Thursday) also went well. We were especially charming and had her laughing all night. J seemed to think we were a sure thing but Libby announced that she doesn’t have sex on the first date and I swear I heard J’s dreams shatter into a thousand tiny, little pieces. I almost chuckled. We have another date lined up for this Thursday so we’ll see how that pans out. She’s a bit younger than us (23 vs J @ 30 and me @ 32) but has similar interests and seemed open to the idea of a relationship with a couple. I suppose you never know until things actually start happening (like where we’re at with Carmen).

What I have been finding funny is the whole “I don’t have sex on the first date” thing. I was an ALWAYS have sex on the first ‘meeting’ (not date) kind of person so long as I felt an attraction so I find it hard to understand why you would deny yourself being with someone if you know you want to (more on my thoughts on that here). I do get that people think ‘oh, they’ll think I’m a slut/I’m easy/whatever’ but is that still a thing now? The timeline does seem to be shortening though because I seem to recall that, once upon a time, it was sex on the third date so second date sex is clearly an improvement. Yay for progress.

We had the same thing with Carmen. She said she was attracted to us on the first date but wanted to wait. When she told us that (on the third date, after fucking us for the second time), I joked, “Oh, you fucked us on the second date that definitely doesn’t make you a slut.” She laughed. Just to clarify my dry, sarcastic sense of humour: I wasn’t insulting her, more just pointing out the ridiculousness of it all. Some people might have judged her for hopping into bed on the first night but both J and me don’t subscribe to that channel of thought. Do what you want, we say, especially if ‘what you want’ includes sleeping with us. 🙂


9 thoughts on “Meeting friends and “not on the first date”

  1. Yeah, it’s still a thing now even though many women have discarded that “not on the first date” notion that was the norm way back when I was born. Women have, thankfully, made up their minds that if they want sex on the first date/meet, then so be it because (a) there’s nothing really shameful or slutty about it (and if it is, slutty works for them) and (b) life’s too short to keep waiting for tomorrow when you can get it right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Life is definitely too short to subscribe to outdated ideas about being “easy” or ” slutty”. Women need to embrace their sexual liberation and stop worry about what people will think. Anyone that writes her off because she fucked them “too soon” was probably going to be too immature to carry on a decent relationship anyways. And who says every sexual encounter needs to become a relationship? NSA sex is a perfectly fine objective. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There is some truth to the idea that a lot of men won’t spend the time to really get to know a woman if she “puts out” too soon. This is particularly true in younger men who can have a difficult time separating lust from love. They think they’re in love, have sex and the male post-orgasm-Einstein brain realizes it’s just lust and they don’t bother to deepen the relationship, when in reality they don’t even know the woman well enough to determine if she’s “love” material.

    Not that that ever happened to me. It was a…errr…friend that was bad about this.

    Of course your situation is different, but it’s probably something that’s ingrained in a lot of women’s brains from past experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha yes, it was definitely “a friend” 😉. I think women need to be more comfortable with their sexuality. If you want to fuck on the first date, do it. The person that’s going to judge you probably wasn’t going to be great relationship material anyways (no offence to your “friend”/the younger you). And what’s so wrong about just fucking someone? Not every encounter needs to turn into a Disney fairytale; sometimes love can blossom after fucking someone on a regular basis (J and me are testament to that!). Give sex a chance, I say!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Agreed. I wish more women liked fucking for the sake of fucking. But it’s still the exception, rather than the rule. That’s good for you though because it just proves you’re exceptional! 😀

        Yeah, my friend was an asshat. Unfortunately he hasn’t really improved much over the years. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes! I always suspected I was exceptional! I think women are coming around. If we can go from three dates to two dates being the magical line dividing the sluts from the non-sluts, then one date will soon be within our sights. I have faith we’ll get there!

        Liked by 1 person

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