Once upon a time, I struggled with communication in my relationship with J. Starting the difficult conversations was very hard for me; things like telling J if something he’d done had upset me was close to impossible. I’d simply give him the cold shoulder or wait until I was seething with rage and then explode over something small and meaningless and then he’d have to tease the real problem out of me. We’ve never been a particularly volatile couple. We don’t have big screaming matches or fight a lot so I suppose this was our version of conflict. Still, not a particularly healthy way to live.
Things have changed now. We had a few months of counselling at the start of the year and we focused most of our sessions on communication. For the most part, I can now say whatever I feel to J. In the past, I’d almost literally feel like something was stopping me from saying whatever I needed to say and I still get that sometimes but I just practice it in my head beforehand. Or I write about it on here first to get my head around it and then broach it with J. He reads this as well so I suppose he gets a heads up before I come swooping in with whatever is on my mind.
Communication doesn’t seem to come naturally to me – well, communicating about the difficult stuff anyways – but I feel like this poly exploration has made me much more open and willing to talk about everything, where in the past I might have struggled. I feel like once you’ve told your partner you want to see other people together and they’ve taken it well, what else could you say that might ruin things?
Image credit: B* Real | BET