Sometimes I like to ponder what life would be like if J were bi. Would that open us up to finding a girlfriend and a boyfriend and what would that look like in reality? I’m sure the potential for complications would increase exponentially and, of course, there’s the added difficulty of finding a guy that’s attracted to both of us. Still, I like to toy with the idea from time to time.
I used to watch a lot of gay porn and the sight of two men together is a huge turn on for me. The urgency and sometimes roughness with which the actors would approach each other seemed somehow more real than the hetero stuff plus the men in gay porn were often better looking and in better shape. Or maybe it was just the particular porn I was watching. Regardless, I don’t really care whether J would top or bottom, it’s more about the freedom and animalism of seeing two men together and then of course me thrown into the mix (or maybe just watching, that would also work).
J is someone who’s very comfortable with his sexuality. At the beginning of our relationship, a few people told me they’d thought J was gay. I have no gaydar whatsoever so I would never have picked up on it if he was but I think people were confused by his love of fashion, his flamboyance and his confidence (this was back before metrosexuality became a thing). I would tell him what people said but it never phased him.
He’s never worried too much about what people think and even now has very bro-mance-y relationships with many of his friends where everyone trades heavily homo-erotic banter that might easily confuse a non-clued in bystander. I like this about him, that he’s able to blur the lines of sexuality without feeling like these simple ‘flirtations’ (not the right word) or personal jokes will somehow change who he is or threaten his perceived masculinity.
And yes, part of me wishes that one day he might wish to explore further. Why not kiss a guy? See what it’s like. Actually, side note, I did see him kiss a guy over the weekend but it was done in jest, there was no tongue (a huge disappointment for me) and it was mostly for my benefit because he knew I would be super turned on by him kissing this particular guy. But still, why not just see where it goes? There’s got to be at least one dude that you see and think… “Hmmm… maybe…”
As a bisexual (or pansexual/polysexual), this seems like the easiest thing to me. I’m more attracted to people than genders so taking that next step seems simple: find someone and make out with them. I actually really struggle to get my head around why you wouldn’t at least be curious. How can your sexuality be so…? I don’t want to use the word rigid but that’s what I mean.
And that’s where we’re all different, I suppose. Some swing one way, others swing another and some of us sit in the middle, eyes roaming everywhere, taking everything in. I would never pressure J to do something he has no interest in but I still have my little fantasies about what would happen one day if…