I find it interesting the way society seems to treat bisexuality differently depending on whether the bisexual in question is male or female. As a woman, my bisexuality has been easily accepted. When I’ve kissed or made out with another woman in public, I’ve never experienced any negativity from friends or those who may have thought I was straight. And that’s even when they know my partner (although I suppose that edges into a different discussion about cheating, polyamory, etc.).
The fluidity of female sexuality seems an easy sell. Guys often list it as their top fantasy and I don’t know many people that would consider it cheating if their girl kissed another girl (unless maybe they didn’t get to watch and I’d chalk that up as mostly FOMO). And honestly, I can see why. Women are such beautiful creatures, why wouldn’t they be attracted to their own sex? Why wouldn’t they want the best of both worlds? Plus, girl on girl action is generally thought to be soft and gentle with little penetration (at least not in the sense of there being a dick). It’s all soft kisses, flowers and pillow fights (uh huh suuuure).
But when the time comes to consider male bisexuality, for some strange reason, some people baulk.
“He can’t possibly be bi, he’s just gay and not willing to admit it.”
What is it about male bisexuality that some people find irreconcilable?
These thoughts occurred to me after I spent a few hours dancing away at a Caribbean carnival party a few weeks ago. I was grinding away on the dancefloor with some female friends (in very little clothing, I might add – see below). Emma and Carmen were there and we would occasionally kiss before going back to dancing.
I know this may seem like I’m going off on a tangent but (for once) I’m not. I got to thinking that, while it was acceptable for us girls to kiss and dance with one another, I did not see a single male couple dance and/or kiss all night. Granted, I could go to any gay club on Oxford St and see plenty of this but, at this standard ‘all sexualities welcome’ grindfest, there was no homosexuality in sight and Sydney has one of the highest gay populations in the world. You can’t tell me there was not a single gay couple in the room. To be fair, I wasn’t sober so I could have missed it but, still, I don’t think it would have gone down as well as girl on girl action.
On a separate note, this type of music attracts a high number of Caribbean people and this is not a part of the world typically known for its gay friendly attitude. Think Buju Banton’s song “Boom bye bye in a batty boy head” (which basically incites people to shoot gay men). I grew up in Jamaica so I’m fully aware of how homophobic a place it can be (and still is).
So while Australia may be leagues and leagues ahead of somewhere like Jamaica, I can still see a divide in how bisexuals of different genders are treated. Hell, when you see a same sex couple making out, you most likely don’t know if either of them are bi unless you know them personally. Off the top of my head, I have only met two guys that’ve been comfortable admitting their bisexuality in public. And just based on purely numbers, I must know more male bisexuals. Or even just people who’re willing to admit they’re curious.
Is it that homosexual desires are seen as somehow more final, more committed than lesbian desires? It’s easy for a girl to want to kiss a chick or lick her breasts and pussy but for a guy to want to suck a dick or fuck another guy’s ass… well, he must be gay. Is a woman’s sexuality considered more fluid because the act is less threatening (to men) whereas a man who’s attracted to other men is less of a man because of what’s potentially involved in gay sex?
And then there are levels of bisexuality, it would seem. I know girls who would happily kiss and make out with another girl but wouldn’t necessarily want to eat pussy or have the girl go down on them. I’m sure there are some guys that feel the same. Are you really bisexual in that case or just curious?
I suppose everyone would have their opinion on the matter and, honestly, I don’t even know where I would draw my line in the sand on the matter. Bisexuality is almost a very personal and unique thing for each individual. On one level, I can see why people would question it because it doesn’t seem decisive enough but, for those of us that feel a genuine attraction to all genders, it is the most natural thing in the world. And why one type of bisexual is lusted after, objectified and glorified above all else but another somehow offensive, well that just makes no sense at all.