If all goes to plan, we’re going on a date with Eve on Sunday. I’m pretty excited and a bit nervous too, to be honest. We’ve been messaging on and off. She’s recently moved house and was quite busy so we tried to give her some space. When she didn’t reply to our last message, we tried not to read too much into it (like we did last time) but were secretly worried she’d brushed us off for real this time.
We needn’t have worried. Her phone had just fucked out with the new iOs update and she hadn’t been receiving any messages. She actually followed us up and now we have a date. So. Exciting. We’ve even started sharing pics again, which is fun. She’s sooo hot. The hottest of all the girls we’ve been communicating with seriously or met in person. And she can carry on a conversation and seems pretty switched on. Now to see what she’s like in person and not to fuck it up on our end.
It’ll be an interesting first date. She was the first person we met on 3nder back before we decided we wanted something more serious. So we’ll have to see how that works into the conversation or if we try and let it evolve naturally. That might be the best bet, just see how things develop. If we have fun, we can start hanging out more and then just what happens from there. She’ll get the picture or we’ll eventually talk about it. Try not to put labels on things from the beginning. I think that’s where we’ve been going wrong. Just meet people first and see what happens.
On a separate note, we spent Saturday with Emma. She’d messaged us to see if we wanted to do something and we’d planned a lunch somewhere we could take the dogs (she wanted to meet them). But then some friends invited us to the races with them so we decided to do that instead and Emma was happy to come along. It was a fun day that rolled into the night (as they tend to do).
We spent the day drinking champagne and gambling on the horses (or J did, I stuck to the champagne). After the last race, we headed to a bar for some interim drinks before going to dinner with another group of friends. From there, we ended up drinking and dancing into the wee hours and then went back to a friend’s house before finally getting home round 4am. It was a looooong day and I think we lost Emma around 10pm or 11pm.
Spending time with her in a group setting made me realise how quiet she is. I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with people who enhance your life and add value to it and, throughout the day, I couldn’t help but notice how much she retreated into the background. She didn’t initiate many conversations. She didn’t really interact all that much, even though she knew people throughout the day. She just didn’t really bring anything to the table, even though she said she wanted to hang out with us. I don’t expect her to be the life of the party but J and me are both confident, outgoing people so we need someone who’s going to fit into that dynamic and not disappear into thin air (while still sitting there).
Also, she didn’t offer to pay for anything throughout the day. J is an absolute gentleman who is willing to pay for most things for the women in his life (especially me) but this wasn’t a cheap day. We had to pay for entry into the races. We drank two bottles of champagne. We ate food at the races. We drank at various bars and then had an expensive dinner. A friend of ours covered the wine so everyone just had to pay for their share of dinner but she didn’t offer to pay for anything… except a half-hearted effort to pay for her entry to the races after J had already paid.
That kind of stuff burns me. Sadly, we’ve known many people who’ve been like that, including friends of mine who’ve taken advantage of J’s generosity when we go out. So much so that I’ve pulled them up on it. You tell them no once and then they never offer again. Ever. J already pretty much supports me so I feel hypocritical saying this when I don’t pay for anything either but we’ve been together nearly ten years, own a house together and I just give him all the money I make and he handles our finances. We live a pretty amazing life but we can’t afford to support another person when we go out.
J is one of those guys that doesn’t want the girl to pay for anything but that doesn’t necessarily apply to every girl he knows. At least in the early days, you should make the gesture of paying for one round of drinks or one meal or at least your share. Or at least that’s how I’ve always felt about it. I have a lot of friends who maintain that the guy should always pay and never offer to split anything but I’ve never subscribed to that belief. In fact, it was hugely difficult for me to get my head around my current situation where I depend on J financially while I work part time and study (or don’t study, as is the case this summer, so naughty I am).
Anyway, I’ve gone off on a frigging tangent again. Surprise! To summarise: At the risk of coming across as temperamental, picky or overly critical, I think this little experience plus the fact that, again, I don’t feel a burning desire to spend time with her has made me lose interest in Emma. Initially, I was sad that J was no longer attracted to her but, after this weekend, I think I’m converted.
Eve on Sunday. Eve on Sunday. Eve on Sunday.