Yesterday, I was watching a series by Morgan Spurlock, the same guy who did Super Size Me. This seven part documentary is about the seven deadly sins and the lust one got me thinking (they all did actually but that can be a post for another day).
One of the stories was about a young man in his twenties who loves older women. And by ‘older women’, I mean women in their 60s and above. He always liking older women, even when he was in high school, he liked those conventionally deemed ‘too old’ for him. Many of the women he approached initially – both in real life and online – were shocked and told him to try and find someone his own age. He wasn’t phased.
He likened his attraction to someone who’s gay or straight or likes cross dressing or is into big boobs or asses – ‘you’re born that way’ and you can’t help what you’re into. He spoke about how much he loves an older woman’s body, her skin, her breasts, especially her neck. He wasn’t ashamed of it. This was a guy who was young and attractive yet he chose to be with woman that many people wouldn’t even look at twice, would no longer even consider sexual beings.
The (even more) interesting part came when the women were interviewed. I found it strange that this was probably one of the first times I’d ever heard women ‘that age’ (between 50 and 95) talking about their need to feel desired, about still being sexual and being proud of it. These women owned their sexuality at a time when many women (I assume) wrap their sexuality up and lock it away in a drawer.
One woman was now doing porn. She had a tattoo around her nipple that said “Gangbang Queen” and I think she was in her mid-late 60s. The only thing regretted was that she hadn’t done it earlier because she could have had a lot more fun.
One 91 year old woman claimed that she would date men her age “but there aren’t any.” She talked about her friends who’d given up on any kind of excitement or pleasure and who might judge her for still wanting (and having) sex but she said, “I’ve lived so long I don’t care what anyone thinks,” which I thought was a pretty awesome attitude to have.
It was truly eye opening, not least because I too am guilty of thinking people over a certain age can’t be sexy or sexual. And it’s even more true for women. We quite easily accept the idea of an older, perhaps wealthy man with a gorgeous young woman. The thought of him being sexually desiring and desired is not all that hard to fathom because we all accept that men are supposedly more sexual creatures than women.
A woman is a mother and then a grandmother. Once she reaches a certain age, she’s no longer young, taut and supple. She’s no longer fertile. Her sexual worth has faded and disappeared. She’s there to take care of the kids. To be a gentle, non-threatening caregiver and late in life support to the young people with real lives to attend to.
You see it in movies and TV all the time, once a woman gets past that magic age, she’s no longer considered sexual. These mediums are a reflection of what society believes. An older woman is basically in stasis until she dies. Sounds rough but it’s true. When do you ever see movies or hear stories about older women doing stuff, romantic stuff? The occasional movie comes out – maybe with Diane Keaton – but in general, it’s the young people having all the sexual fun because – maybe – we don’t want to imagine our grandmothers getting it on. A whole contingent of women (half the world’s population) get de-sexy-fied, whereas their male counterparts carry on as there were. OK, maybe they get called ‘dirty old men’ but at least we acknowledge their sexuality.
I might not personally be attracted to older men or women but I can’t imagine that you hit 60 or 70 or 90 and suddenly don’t want to feel pleasure anymore. Sure, maybe you’re not as nimble as you once were or don’t have the energy to do it multiple times a day but surely sexual desire doesn’t just evaporate overnight?? We’re taught we’re ‘too old’ and we believe it. Except for some of us, who do what we please and refuse to roll over and play dead. I hope I’m one of those people when I get to ‘that’ age.