Facing the cold, hard facts

Over the last few days, I’ve felt that, as much as I want Jared and me to find a girlfriend, I just don’t think we have the time to invest in someone new. Jared is trying to open a new bar and has been and will continue to be insanely busy for at least the next six months. I’m planning our wedding and will be back at uni in March. We barely have time to spend with each other, let alone anyone new. Add Xmas and NY social madness into the mix and it’s next to impossible to contemplate.

That being said, I haven’t been on Tinder for ages. Jared has been swiping and messaging and trying to set up dates but yesterday I felt like I had to call it. When we don’t have time to charm each other, how can we invest time in charming other people? After a while, the time spent ‘chasing’ other people will cause resentment if we’re not putting as much effort into our existing relationship.

And so it was decided. We had three possible contenders that we had to communicate our decision to. One took it very well and we explained that, once things settle down, we’d be happy to get back in contact. Another beat us to the punch and said she was into a guy she’d gone on holiday with – so we didn’t even have to tell her. Win! And we’d just set a date up for week after next week with the third girl so I’ll have to let her know. I was kind of hoping she wouldn’t reply to our last message so I could weasel my way out of it but oh well.

Now this isn’t to say we’ve given up on finding someone. I definitely don’t think being engaged or married disqualifies us from any further poly fun. I just think we’re not in the right place to bring someone else in at the moment – we’re too time poor and too stressed to be able to give them our full attention. It wouldn’t be fair to our potential unicorn to try and start things off in such a tumultuous time.

That being said, if a threesome opportunity presented itself and happened to develop further, I wouldn’t say no. I just don’t want to go down the dating path right this minute. I have enough trouble scheduling our friends and family into our social calendar without having to find time for someone new.


15 thoughts on “Facing the cold, hard facts

  1. That is a very mature realization. You have to put your own relationship first and you’re doing just that. Sometimes people don’t see these things until it’s too late. Good for you!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Being time poor and too stressed is an indication that the two of you need to make the time to decompress; having someone you both can have around as that much-needed distraction shouldn’t be taken off the board (trust me on this one – I know). I like to say that if it’s something you REALLY need to do, you will find a way to make it happen…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s not that we’re not saying no, we absolutely won’t see anyone else at the moment. It’s more about taking time off from chasing other women (through Tinder, messaging and setting dates) to focus on our existing relationship. If someone comes along, I’m open to it. I just don’t want us spending the little time we have together at the moment staring at our phones, charming other people.


    1. Yeah that’s what I figure. We don’t have the time to devote to dating but I’m open to meeting people while out or meeting with through friends and seeing what comes of it. Just not that formal, interview-like process of meeting someone totally new.


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