How do kids factor into the poly equation?

Last night’s date went well with our Tinder match. She was confident and funny. We didn’t take her home or kiss her but I believe we’ll have another date and from there… who knows? We spent some time messaging her today so that bodes well. Our communication included an unsolicited photo of her at the beach, which Jared responded to with a photo of him working in the basement dungeon of his new bar to which I replied with a photo of me reclining in the sun at Hyde Park while watching a busker blow giant bubbles for a pack of insane children to chase and pop.

Which brings me to the topic of kids. We think our Tinder date has them. Actually, before we go any further let’s name her. Carey. That’ll do. When we got home from last night’s date, we did some Facebook stalking (surely this is acceptable online dating behaviour?). Tinder informed me that Carey is friends with a few of our friends although she says she doesn’t really know them. Her FB profile was quite open privacy-wise so we were able to see pictures of her pregnant and with young children – two of them to be exact. She said she’d broken up with her partner of close to ten years about three months ago so it’s entirely possible they had children while together.

Nothing wrong with that at all – except she didn’t mention it. To be fair, I didn’t mention Jared and me were engaged until we met Carey in person so, of course, she was under no obligation to share that information. Who knows? The kids might live with the dad most of the time. Plus, she doesn’t really know us so she might not want to share that part of herself for fear we might judge her. I’m not sure she’s even looking for long term so if she’s just after casual then it makes sense she wouldn’t mention her kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think her desire to explore her sexuality has any effect on her parenting ability. There’s no reason a healthy poly family can’t be as good a place to raise a child as a monogamous or single parent household. In fact, the kids would have more people to love them. I also don’t think I’d have a problem seeing someone with kids although I have my doubts about the responsibilities of parenthood aligning with Jared and my debaucherous lifestyle (although that might change a bit as Jared’s bar gets closer to opening). I’m not a huge lover of children but I can deal with well behaved ones in short doses. Would this be enough if we were to start seeing someone with kids? I don’t know.

It’s not that I’m considering this with Carey; it’s waaaay too early days for that to be on the cards. It’s more that the possibility of seeing someone with kids has got me pondering the practicality of it all. Jared and me often joke that our unicorn could take on baby incubation duties seeing as I have a major aversion to the idea of being ‘with child’. But my aversion also kind of includes not really wanting to raise children (at least, not at this point in my life) so could that really work? Would it be a viable solution for us seeing as the parenting duties would be split between three instead of two?

I feel like I’d have to become a lot more child friendly for us to have a baby with our currently imaginary poly partner. Presently, I’m one of those non-maternal women who can’t stand the thought of being pregnant (aside from a kind of vague curiosity) and has no interest in raising a child (aside from naming it and dressing it in clothes). Of course, I’m an excellent mother to our two dogs but that’s beside the point. Clearly, the curiosity, naming and dress ups aren’t enough to carry the day for rearing a human child of one’s own but could I date someone with kids?

I’m going to go with a soft maybe. If the kids were absolute bosses. I’d be hard pressed to spend time with any bratty children but well behaved ones… possibly. The mother in question would also have to be a pretty liberal type, not your average no fun parent (of which many of my friends have become now that they’ve produced offspring). There would have to be some time allowance for ‘adult pursuits’.

Prior to all this musing, I probably would’ve said a flat out no to seeing anyone with kids but now…  maybe. Definitely maybe. 


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