I had my regular couple-monthly hair appointment yesterday and my hairdresser randomly asked me for some rather unconventional relationship advice. He broke up with his wife a few years ago and, even though he’s been single and is a bit of a catch, he feels he hasn’t played the field as much as he probably could have. He’s had a girlfriend for a while now (at least a year) but she’s a fair bit younger than him and he’s worried if he’s settled too soon (even though he thinks she’s awesome and will probably marry her in a few years).
His question to me was whether I thought he’d be able to swing a temporary open relationship with his girlfriend. You see, he’s planning a trip to Brazil and wants to be able to ‘sow his wild oats’. He has a bit of a thing for Latinas so he had a fucking blast the last time he was there. He’s paying for his girlfriend to go on a Contiki tour with her friends around the same time and his proposition is for them both to have a kind of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ situation while on holiday. He was even imagining it as a recurring event that happens every year.
I said I probably wasn’t the best person to ask as I was already pretty against monogamy. However, I felt the fact his ‘hall pass’ extended to both partners was a definite win. In my book, you can’t ask for carte blanche to fuck whoever you want without giving the other person the same deal (even if they don’t act on it). Aside from his own nefarious plans, he actually wants her to go out and explore herself as he feels she’s also a bit too young to settle down. In his mind, he knows it’ll only be a few years before he asks her to marry him so he wants them both to have some freedom before that happens. Not that he’d be against it continuing afterwards.
He’s already suggested the idea to her and, apparently, she wasn’t keen but he thinks it was more for appearances sake, as if she thinks he’ll think she’s a slut if she too into it. Which he won’t. He was offering the same deal to his wife just before they broke up. He’d organised for her to go to Paris on her own and live the non-monogamous dream but then he found out she was cheating and things didn’t quite work out as planned.
It’s an interesting situation. How many of us would sleep with other people if we had our partner’s blessing, knowing they’d be off doing the same thing? I’m sure some would jump on the opportunity while others would baulk at the potential complications. I think the fact that his proposition is only travel-based and thus temporary works in his favour. When they’re together, they’re together but, when they travel separately, they’re single.
Long distance relationships are generally harder to maintain so you have less chance that your partner is going to fall in love with this other person (at least, I think you do). It’s going to be seen as more of a fling, which is less threatening to the primary relationship. Personally, I think he may have found the perfect way to have his cake and eat it too, if only he can be persuasive enough to get her across the line. But surely, no woman would turn down the opportunity to have some no-strings attached fun while on vacation and all filled up with holiday horniness.
I know, I know. I’m sure LOTS of women would say thanks but no thanks but part of me just wants to scream, “Whhhhyyyyyyy?” What harm could you possibly do, if you promise that anything you do is just temporary and you’re committed to coming back to each other at the end of the trip? Famous last words, I know. Still, I’d give it a shot, see how it pans out. But hey, they’s just me. I’m a risk taker like that.