Sleeping with the competition (not really)

I’m so far behind with reading the blogs I subscribe to. I currently have 701 unread messages and I’m trying to get through all the old posts and follows so I’m back up to speed. One of the things I love most about reading other people’s blogs is the way they provoke ideas of your own. I can’t count the times someone’s thoughts or stories have sparked a revelation. Never mind the fact these posts are interesting on their own merit – even if they don’t result in a post of my own.

Case in point: today I came across dave94015‘s link to Unruly Bodies’ post about Body image and polyamory. My situation is a bit different as I’m half of a bi (me)/hetero (him) couple that sees other women together (for the time being). In my case, I’m not dealing with a new man seeing my body for the first time in ages but with a new woman in bed with me and my partner of nearly ten years. I think it helps that I’m bisexual and am genuinely attracted to these women independent of Jared but, still, I can’t help but compare, especially if the woman in question is younger than me.

Cherie – our most recent bed partner – is only 21 years old. I’m 32, due to turn 33 in March. Granted, I don’t look it. I’m very petite and everything is pretty much where it’s always been. I’m a bit… shall we say thicker but some people would say that’s an improvement. I was once very skinny, perhaps too skinny (although I always had an ass). Anyway, my point is that, when you’re dealing with a 10+ year age difference, you can’t help but assess these things critically. Or maybe that’s just me. Maybe I should cut myself some slack and learn to appreciate the hot, young woman willing to share herself with us. Ha. This is me we’re talking about here. Queen of the Overthinkers. As always, I digress. 

Despite the above self-assigned title, I actually think I have pretty good self esteem when it comes to how I look. Of course, there are things I’d improve if I could muster up the willpower to attend the gym for a significant period of time or if I could cut back on my sweets consumption. But, in general, I’m happy with how I look. Every now and again, I catch myself wondering if Jared prefers her soft, young skin or firm breasts and then I’ll tell myself to shut the fuck up. My skin is amazingly soft and my breasts are perky as fuck. It’s really just a natural self-criticism/competitiveness that comes out in me, I can’t help it.

Of course, there’s still the $64,000 question. As a woman – who will never really be able to feel what it’s like to be inside another woman – I’ve always wondered how much pussies differ. Does hers feel different from mine or is a pussy a pussy at the end of the day. This is one thing I would really like to know. Ideally, I’d like to be a man for say a month so I could test it out myself but, failing that, I suppose I’ll just have to keep getting Jared to tell me… Although maybe with a tiny bit more detail. It’s a sufficient compromise.

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