Making a habit of affection

About a week ago, I read an article that recommended some apps to use if you want to keep motivated to stick to a routine or a new goal, habit, etc. I had a look into the various apps, downloaded two and spent some time considering the goals I want to work towards. I decided on:

  • 30mins gym/exercise at least four times per week
  • Processed sugar no more than 2 times per week
  • Drink at least 1.5 litres of water per day (I know this should be more but baby steps)
  • At least one blog post per day
  • Read for at least 30mins per day – blogs, a book, whatever (can’t be uni related, when that starts up again)
  • Be more affectionate.

That last one might seem like a weird goal to have but not for me. I’m not a naturally affectionate person. It’s taken me awhile to be ok with public displays of affection and to say I love you on a regular basis. I’m also not big on the touchy-feely stuff. I don’t really like touching people or being touched unnecessarily. It’s taken Jared a lot of cajoling, persuasion and explanation to get me to the point where I’m able to express my affection for him by more than just sex and the occasional hug or snuggle on the couch (ok, he didn’t have to convince me to snuggle on the couch, that I like).

So, for about a week now, I’ve been trying to focus on improving my affection skills. It’s not so much a ‘check off the to do list’ thing. I don’t say to myself, “Oh, I haven’t been very affectionate today. I’ll give Jared a hug and then I can mark it as done – mission complete!” I use it to make me more mindful of being affectionate throughout the day (or in the mornings and evenings during the week) and I think I’ve been mostly successful. It’s not something I necessarily want to do when I’m a bit stressed or have something on my mind but I find that forcing (not the right word but you know what I mean) myself to do it actually cheers me up. 

Who would’ve thought being intimate with your partner (not in that way although yes that too) would improve your mood? And you actually do feel more connected and bonded. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to become the Queen of PDAs and Super Lovey-Dovey-Ness, that’s just not me, but I can see myself upping my affection rate a decent amount. That being said, it has only been a week so let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet.  


6 thoughts on “Making a habit of affection

  1. i think this is a lovely idea. affection can equal so many things to other people. love, appreciation, attraction, worth, etc… and the fact that you want to give more of it to you partner is beautiful.

    i’m curious what apps you tried out and if you like one more than another?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you. It’s going well so far!
    I’m using Habitbull and Habitbull is a bit simpler and the free version allows you to set up five goals for however long. has more predefined goals and challenges you can undertake. Not sure if there’s a limit, I think you just pay if you want coaching. It gives you more motivation and reminders. It’s cheesy but I like the little high fives it gives you sometimes when you’re on a streak. They’re both good though. I’m enjoying having the variety. Habitbull for the simpler stuff and for ideas of things to do over a week, 30 days, etc.


  3. Thank you for sharing. I too find it difficult to be affectionate most times. The typical peck on the lips and an, “I love you”, as one of us leaves the other is standard. But other times I have to consciously think about showing my husband affection. Luckily, he knows how I am; who I am.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s been a long road for me. I’m not really affectionate at all so my partner has needed to train me and at times I’ve been quite resistant to it all! But seeing how happy it makes him has made it important for me.


  4. I think it’s great that you see yourself clearly and are willing to give more to him in that department intentionally. That makes you a great and willing partner. That is huge!

    I know I can be less empathetic at times. It’s like I check out, need to inwardly focus. Something. I realize when I check out and try to consciously be there for my partner. It’s nice to see someone else working on their flaws too. Love that!

    Liked by 1 person

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