Tough times in poly city. Also, an update.

Poly is hard, you guys. Fuck, it’s hard. And, if I’m honest, I wouldn’t say we’re even all that way into poly just yet. We’re seeing people, we’re sleeping with people and we’re open to things going further but we’re not there yet. And already it’s hard.

You talk and talk and talk and there are still miscommunications and misunderstandings. People make mistakes. They break the rules. They get caught up in the moment and, even when everyone involved knows there was no malice behind their actions, people still get hurt. And things don’t go back to where they were just because apologies were made. We’ve had more arguments than we would usually have. And I’m still turned on by everything that’s happened, which makes thing even more complicated.

I’m not saying I want to stop or that things are unfixable but it’s definitely hard (at times). Much harder than I expected. Which perhaps just makes me naive. But, after saying all this, I feel like it has also made us closer. We were close before but, if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a hundred times, once you talk to your partner about fucking other people, there’s not much else you can’t talk about. It’s just how to broach the issues that come up without it becoming a battle.

That’s enough of what’s going on in my mind. I should probably give you an update of what’s really been going on. After our little foursome, we had Willa come out with us on Saturday. We all had a few drinks and a bit of a dance and we went back to a friend’s house and chatted to the wee hours of the morning but she left so she wasn’t too hungover for work the next day. We also saw her briefly on Sunday when she stopped in at a farewell we were at but we left soon after she got there as we both had to work on Monday.

We’re still in contact with Cherie. She works at the bar we were at with Willa and we spoke to her (and groped her) on Saturday night. She had to open the bar the next day though so she didn’t come out that night. We’ve got dinner planned with her on Monday so we’ll see if that happens. She hasn’t been well so she might decide to bail. We can always reschedule though. She keeps in pretty regular contact so we’ll see how things develop. We’re trying to just take things as they come and not put any pressure or labels on anything until absolutely necessary.

On the upside, it’s my birthday next week so Jared is taking me away to celebrate. I don’t know where we’re going but I’m pretty excited to have the whole weekend to ourselves to luxuriate in one another’s company. All I’ve been told is that it’s warm where we’re going so I’m imagining myself in little to no clothing for close to three days, which sounds like absolute perfection to me.

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11 thoughts on “Tough times in poly city. Also, an update.

  1. My wife and I had discussed opening our relationship once, but the bottom line is that it is not something she is comfortable with – at all. I can imagine the level of communication required, and I think that it is completely viable in some couples/relationships, but it is not for everyone.

    But I hope that everything works out to the best for everyone involved. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true. It’s definitely not for everyone. I also wonder how our dynamic would change if we both saw people of the opposite sex, rather than just women. Or if we saw people separately. Things would be so different with a totally new set of problems/benefits.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Not glad to hear about the hard part but happy you guys continue to move forward. I have only the beginnings of where you are and already the emotions are ramped up for me.

    Yes, lots of communication. Good luck!

    Oh, and Happy Birthday! Have a great naked, warm time!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it’s a continual process of self discovery and communication and although it does involve a decent amount of ‘conflict’, I don’t feel like it’s totally bad. We have our issues and we move through them, which is easy because we’re committed to each other and we’re not doing it to fill some void. Which is the same for you, I’m guessing. It’s challenging but enriching at the same time. If that makes sense.

      Oh and thank you for my happy birthday. So excited to have the weekend away (and mostly naked, hopefully!).

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Being poly is harder than just being married, as being a part of a poly quad for 20+ years taught me. Every time you think you’ve got a handle on things, you find out you really don’t because something always happen – little stuff, bigger stuff, human fallacy, and much, much more. The trick of it is to never stop talking with each other and while I found that having rules provides structure and a shared vision of what the poly relationship is gonna look like, I also found that there are times when rules have to be amended or otherwise adjusted not only because shit happens at times but because people change and situations can occur that weren’t anticipated… and you can’t anticipate all possible situations.

    The biggest thing I learned that a poly relationship isn’t about me – it’s about US and what we can do to make our joined lives the best they can be… and there’s nothing easy about it.

    Liked by 1 person

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