We have a date lined up on Sunday with a girl Jared matched with on Tinder. We’ve been texting her for the past 2+ weeks and this weekend we meet her in person. I think I’ve gotten to the point where I’m no longer nervous before our dates. The first few we went on were very nerve wracking. What to wear? Will she like us? Will she like me? Now, of course, I still want to look good, but I don’t stress too much about whether I/we’ll be liked. It’s a mutual thing – we’re all just feeling each other out and whatever the result – whether we do or don’t hit it off – there’s no pressure. Just let things play out as they will.
When we first starting going on dates, most of the time we would go for dinner or drinks. Aside from it getting expensive because Jared is a gentleman and won’t let us pay, it also feels somewhat more pressurised than a day date. You’re drinking, your inhibitions are lowered, snap decisions are made that might not have happened without those three wines under your belt. As nice as it is to have a glass of red to take the edge off, I’m actually coming around to thinking the first date over a coffee/tea/whatever un-alcoholic beverage you please is the best way to go.
Not that I’m against the possibility of sex on the first date. It’s more that I like the idea of meeting someone during the day in an easy going, un-pressured environment and then being able to say goodbye and take some time to really consider and discuss things. Often we’ve met people over a few drinks and I’ve thought, ‘Yeah, I really liked them’ but then I give myself a few days to process my thoughts with a clear head and things change. Some might say I’m over-thinking this and, yes, perhaps I am but I’m also aware of what my mind is like on alcohol and generally everything seems like the best idea ever. I don’t really want to rush into sleeping with someone and then later regret it.
Listen to me getting all nanna-ish in my old age. Once upon a time, I would’ve been all about the gratuitous sexual experiences that drinking dates can afford. I don’t know what’s changed but I feel like I want to give myself that space to make an informed decision about whether I want to sleep with someone. Not that I’m sizing up every date as a potential girlfriend (ok, maybe a little) but, even if it was just sex, by sleeping with someone you’re letting them into your life, even if it’s only for the briefest of times. And I for one would like to make that decision with a clear head.
Don’t get me wrong, if we were to meet someone while out or go on a day date and have crazy chemistry then I would be open to throwing caution to the wind and going for it. But, until that happens, I’d prefer to play the cautious game.