Maybe this makes me a cunt but oh well

Sorry, this isn’t the story I promised but it is an update in our poly adventures. 

We’ve seen Cherie a few more times and, as she’s part of our wider friend group, she fits in pretty well with everyone, even if she is a bit younger. We’ve known her for a while but only started seeing/hanging out with her as of New Year’s Day. Since then, of course, we’ve been hanging out and occasionally sleeping together although I’d probably say we’re more party friends or fuck buddies than real friends at this stage (which probably sounds a bit mean but it’s how I feel). Although, if things continue and we branch out from just partying/fucking, we’ll get to the ‘real friend’ stage relatively soon. However, we’ve been having some awkwardness over our wedding of late. 

You see, we haven’t invited her and last night she sent us a text saying she understood but that she was “super upset” about it. Now she’s since said that she was high and “being a little sensitive” when she sent the message but the fact remains that it definitely bothers her. And I can understand that. All of the friends she hangs out with while she’s with us are going (most of whom are mutual friends) but, seeing as we’ve only just become friends with her, we haven’t asked her yet. We’d planned to ask her if we keep seeing her and things remain normal (not even so much the sex, even just the friendship) but we feel it’s still too early days to make the call. So much can happen in six months. 

Are we being unfair or treating her badly? I don’t know. If she was just a new friend, it would be a non-issue and I wouldn’t feel any pressure to invite her. If we’re not close enough, we’re not close enough and that’s it. But the sex complicates it. It adds that extra element where it’s easy for someone to feel slighted. Oh, I’m good enough for you to fuck me but not good enough to come to the wedding? That’s  a terrible way to make someone feel and that’s definitely what’s going through her mind (and I’m sure there are people that ask her to see her squirm). 

Still, as much as I don’t want to hurt her, she’s also a huge unknown. We don’t know her that well when it comes down to it. We only just started hanging out three months ago and we’ve seen each other no more than five times in that time. We’re definitely not exclusive or even talking about being exclusive or anything like that and we rarely hang out with her on her own – usually it’s as part of a group and then she’ll sleep over. We need to allow everyone more space to see where things go. She says we’re her “favourites” but things are new and who knows what will happen between now and 15 October. 

It’s definitely not a no but it’s a not right now. Which is what we said to her. Maybe that makes us cunts, I don’t know. But, if so, I’m willing to wear the label for another few months so we can be sure we’re making the right decision. 

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30 thoughts on “Maybe this makes me a cunt but oh well

      1. I think sex complicates everything . Fuck buddies, no strong attaches, friends with benefits – someone gets hurt in the process period.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Yes but can’t consenting adults keep sex from becoming something complicated and possibly hurtful? Maybe not. Probably not, considering she’s very young and in many ways on the immature side even though she’s beautiful person with a really good heart. But very young.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think there is some form of attachment, emotionally when sex happens. So age does play a factor. Two people who enter sex telling themselves this is fun and no one gets hurt just doesn’t happen if you are doing it more than once.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes, it can develop over time but I think it comes down to communication and being honest about what you’re feeling and what you want from the relationship. When that happens, there’s less chance someone will get hurt. Not no chance, but definitely less.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. I’m 41. I’ve never experienced that, FWB, or fbuddies because logically it just never appealed to me but part of that is because I was molested as a kid. I look at sex differently.

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      6. Jared was my first boyfriend and everyone before that was a FWB/fuck buddy arrangement. I find that it works well but is often let down by people not being honest about what they want or how they feel.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Six months is a long time. Have you already sent out invitations!!? Assuming you haven’t. I would tell her that you’ll make up your mind then (when you make decisions on invites = July/August). Tell her thanks for letting you know. That’s important info. And before I call you a cunt, I need to see a pic (lol)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha… We’ll delay the verdict on the cunt issues then. Yeah, invitations went out in January just because it’s a destination wedding so people need to ask for leave, plan for flights, etc. We can still invite her though, it’s purely just that we want to make sure things don’t take turn for the weird or crazy.

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  2. you owe no one an invitation. i don’t know why but i am always bothered that people take not receiving a wedding invitation so personal especially someone you’ve only known a couple months. doesn’t matter how intimate the relationship has become. not that you owe her an explanation or anything but perhaps just tell her you had already worked the invites and the headcount was set before you all met, that it costs a lot of money for each person that is invited. maybe its because she is young but she should know this, that just puts me off and i find it irritating that someone would complain about not being invited. i think that may show a bit more of her personality and character that you haven’t seen yet.

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    1. Yeah, I agree with you and I think her youth plays a part in it. And, as much as I can see why she would be hurt, part of me is a little pissed that she’s forcing the issue. We’ve spoken about it more than once. We told you why we’re doing it this way and we told you we’ll invite you if things progress/stay as they are. Just be patient. It’s six months away and we know you want to come! I think it’s almost more FOMO than anything. She knows it’s going to be a party and lots of her friends will be there and she doesn’t want to miss out, except this time the party is our wedding and she can’t see that that’s different from a regular party.

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      1. i’m so caught off guard by how some people can be so brash. I’d never ever consider asking for an invite to anything. It just seems so rude to me, idk…. I hope that she has got the message and doesn’t bring it up again. Like you said this isn’t some normal get together/party. This is your wedding.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I think your decision makes a lot of sense. Especially since you’re fucking her. This has all the ingredients to go sideways fast. If it does, you definitely don’t want her at the wedding. I think waiting is wise.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! These things are complicated and we’re not asking her to be exclusive to us. She’s seeing other people (which is fine) but who knows what’ll happen in six months? She might start seeing someone else exclusively and we won’t hang out anymore (the friendship’s not all that strong just yet). It makes sense to wait and see what happens as there’s no deadline on when we have to stop inviting people.

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  4. I really don’t think you owe her an invite. But weddings… Sigh… always so much drama. Congrats. Just to play devil’s advocate there is a bit of a time constraint from her perspective because if she needs to save up she might need to know soon. She’ll also have to book flights and accommodations.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, it’s a tricky one. We’re planning to give it another three months and then she’ll still have three months to save. Accommodation is fine because we have the resort exclusively, it’s probably more flights because the price goes up the closer you get to the date. Her boss is going to he wedding as well (he’s in the bridal party) so he knows the deal and, as long as no one else requests time off around then, she should be fine.

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