Sorry, this isn’t the story I promised but it is an update in our poly adventures.
We’ve seen Cherie a few more times and, as she’s part of our wider friend group, she fits in pretty well with everyone, even if she is a bit younger. We’ve known her for a while but only started seeing/hanging out with her as of New Year’s Day. Since then, of course, we’ve been hanging out and occasionally sleeping together although I’d probably say we’re more party friends or fuck buddies than real friends at this stage (which probably sounds a bit mean but it’s how I feel). Although, if things continue and we branch out from just partying/fucking, we’ll get to the ‘real friend’ stage relatively soon. However, we’ve been having some awkwardness over our wedding of late.
You see, we haven’t invited her and last night she sent us a text saying she understood but that she was “super upset” about it. Now she’s since said that she was high and “being a little sensitive” when she sent the message but the fact remains that it definitely bothers her. And I can understand that. All of the friends she hangs out with while she’s with us are going (most of whom are mutual friends) but, seeing as we’ve only just become friends with her, we haven’t asked her yet. We’d planned to ask her if we keep seeing her and things remain normal (not even so much the sex, even just the friendship) but we feel it’s still too early days to make the call. So much can happen in six months.
Are we being unfair or treating her badly? I don’t know. If she was just a new friend, it would be a non-issue and I wouldn’t feel any pressure to invite her. If we’re not close enough, we’re not close enough and that’s it. But the sex complicates it. It adds that extra element where it’s easy for someone to feel slighted. Oh, I’m good enough for you to fuck me but not good enough to come to the wedding? That’s a terrible way to make someone feel and that’s definitely what’s going through her mind (and I’m sure there are people that ask her to see her squirm).
Still, as much as I don’t want to hurt her, she’s also a huge unknown. We don’t know her that well when it comes down to it. We only just started hanging out three months ago and we’ve seen each other no more than five times in that time. We’re definitely not exclusive or even talking about being exclusive or anything like that and we rarely hang out with her on her own – usually it’s as part of a group and then she’ll sleep over. We need to allow everyone more space to see where things go. She says we’re her “favourites” but things are new and who knows what will happen between now and 15 October.
It’s definitely not a no but it’s a not right now. Which is what we said to her. Maybe that makes us cunts, I don’t know. But, if so, I’m willing to wear the label for another few months so we can be sure we’re making the right decision.