I went out to dinner with a girlfriend the other night and we got to talking about our relationships and she asked if Jared and I still have sex on our own, i.e without a third (or fourth) party present. I had to pause for a moment because I was a little shocked. Well, not really. I suspect a lot of people think we’re doing this because we’ve been together ten years and just want to fuck other people but this was the first time someone had actually asked me this question so I was a bit taken aback. Not offended, just momentarily silenced. I’m happy for people to ask questions and I’m always honest so it was more just the shock that someone had the balls to ask me something so personal (which is something I’d usually do – I can be quite blunt and forward at times).
My answer was a look (you know the kind, I’m sure) and a “yes” to which she asked how often and I said usually once or twice a week. Not a number to be particularly proud of but it’s the truth and we’re busy and and and [insert usual stuff here]. Anyway, it got me thinking. How many people assume poly folks are just looking for ways to spice up their faltering sex lives? I’m willing to guess quite a few. And I suppose it’s a fair assumption and probably does happen quite regularly. Lord knows there are plenty of people out there doing it for the wrong reasons. And, of course, people wonder why you’d want to see other people if your current relationship is going well? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it after all.
And my reasoning to that is, while it may be incredibly exciting to see other people, I could also easily be happy with ‘just’ Jared for the rest of my life, if he decided he wanted to put an end to our poly adventures. Sure, I would be disappointed and I’d want to have an in-depth discussion about why he felt this way but I don’t think it would be a deal breaker for me. And that’s because I’m not doing this to fill a void or spice things up. I’m doing it because I don’t believe we should tie ourselves to monogamy out of some fear that love is finite and we can’t love more than one person at once. Monogamy works for some people but not for all and, if you’re one of those non-mogs (yes, I like it!), you should be free to explore that. Also, I’m pansexual (I’ve ‘upgraded’ myself from bisexual) and I don’t think I should have to pick one gender to spend the rest of my life with and forego all others.
So there you have it. My two cents on yet another subject. Do with it as you will.
On a separate note, we have a date with Emma tonight (the other half of the poly couple we know that we’d gone off but have since decided to rethink). Plus we have two other Tinder/3nder people who want to meet so we’ll tee those up in the coming weeks.