Finding balance in a threesome (or any group situation, I suppose)

Three is a weird number. By definition, it’s odd, uneven even (following me?). Two isn’t like that, it’s simple.  1 + 1 = 2, doesn’t get more simple than than unless you’re 1. But I digress, as per usual. I’m pretty sure not many people would argue that by adding a third person to anything, things can get more complicated. Yes, there are many, many possible benefits and enhancements but also complications. Two can be complicated too, of course. But three? Just that little bit more complicated just by right of adding a third element (kind of like The Fifth Element but with no Milla Jovovich – actually, not like that at all).

Right. So let’s keep moving. Three in a platonic relationship is often called third-wheeling (usually in relation to a couple and another person). I actually think it’s awesome with the right group of three (as I discussed in my other blog) but it can also be pretty shit if you stumble upon the wrong configuration. Let us then consider the awkward possibilities that can occur when you add sex and feelings to the mix. Complicated again, right? Not always, but definitely possible. Hell, if things can be rough when no one’s fucking (except maybe just two people), adding sex to the mix is always a recipe for a bit more excitement and/or drama. Again, good can certainly come of it but there’s always the chance of some crazy.

What I’m trying to say in my very round about way is that it can be very hard to find the right balance in a friendship of three never mind a sexually involved group of three and that’s regardless of whether it’s a one off threesome or an ongoing relationship. I have had many, many threesomes in my time (possibly more than my fair share but who’s counting?). Some of them have been amazing and others less so, for whatever reason, but usually the shittiness is due to a few standard factors that seem to crop up any time a lacklustre threesome happens.

In my experience these are:

  • Is everyone into it? If one person is just going along to please someone else or not hurt someone’s feelings, things are either going to get weird then and there or there will be issues down the track. Make sure everyone’s on board with what’s about to go down and I’m not talking about being nervous, that’s normal
  • Who gets to do what? Is Jack only meant to watch while the girls play? Is everyone getting involved with everyone, regardless of gender? What about the furry in the corner over there? What are they cool with?
  • What can we do? Is kissing ok? What about condoms? Anal? Too far, oops my bad, maybe next time…

    And possibly the most important (well, not really, but equally important)

  • If you’re lucky enough for it to all go down (pun intended), don’t make anyone feel left out – unless someone only wants to watch or that’s what’s been agreed to. Regardless of who’s getting caught up in who, don’t forget about that third person over there feeling lonely. No one wants to feel like they could make themselves a cup of tea and not be missed.

And yes, I am speaking from experience. You have enough threesomes and you’re going to start figuring out what does and doesn’t work for you. I’ve made all the mistakes – gone along with threesomes I wasn’t sure about, not set my boundaries clearly. I like to watch but I also still like to feel like I’m included so it can be a fine balance trying to keep everyone happy.

But this is the price you pay for a threesome – amazing benefits and rewards but it can be hard work, exhausting even. That’s not to say it’s not worth it. When it works, it’s amazing but you have to go into it with the right mindset. The above points are things I’ve come to realise are important to be aware of beforehand. They’ve dawned on me over time and after many fuck ups. When you throw your hands in the air and say, “I’m down for whatever” without fail, your ‘whatever’ will be tested pretty quickly and you’ll find out you’re not as super-cool as you thought you were.

Good luck!

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18 thoughts on “Finding balance in a threesome (or any group situation, I suppose)

  1. Planning ahead is always the way to go. Spanking, Bondage, Vibrators and toys, Check! Liquids and snacks, Check! Massage oils and massages, Check! Oral……

    Liked by 1 person

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