I’m not much of a jewellery person. I never thought I’d wear an engagement ring or a wedding ring. I’ve never worn a ring for any serious length of time. I remember those mood rings everyone used to have in school and I hated mine. I hated the feeling of it still being there, even when you’d taken it off, that phantom tightness that would linger around your fingers for minutes or hours after you took it off. Ugh. Nope, didn’t like it one bit.
So when Jared proposed and presented me with a diamond, it seemed like a no-brainer to look at other options, besides just a ring. Yet, when the time came, nothing else seemed right. I definitely wanted something I could wear all the time but I was worried I’d break a necklace or lose a bracelet. I don’t have a good track record with accessories (thankfully in the past it’s all been cheap) and frankly I was quite terrified of breaking and/or losing the first piece of expensive jewellery I owned. A ring started to seem like the right choice the more I thought about it.
Yet, things have changed since I started wearing my engagement ring. I feel painfully conscious of how present the ring is. Maybe that’s kind of the point of wearing a ring and I’d just never worn one so no idea but it’s been quite surreal experience. This is a very real (and very beautiful) piece of jewellery that essentially tells the world someone’s got dibs on me. It symbolises the intended permanence of our relationship and impending marriage. I take it off to sleep and shower, etc. but that’s pretty much the only time I’m not wearing it. Every morning that I put it back on is a choice.
If we’re arguing or not getting along that well, it’s still there slithering around on my finger as if to say, ‘I’m still here. What are you going to do about it?’ It forces me to think about the commitment I’m making. That’s not to say I’m thinking of calling off the wedding or anything, more just that it’s making me think a lot about what type of life I want. It’s a weird feeling, to have a piece of jewellery so intimately tied to your future.
This isn’t some pretty string of pearls that you wear when it matches today’s outfit. It’s a sign of your intention to spend the rest of your life with someone and that’s a big thing, a sometimes heavy weight and definitely not something to be taken lightly. And yes, at ten years together, we may have done a lot of the heavy lifting already but somehow this ring makes things feel more serious. Not that they weren’t before. Hmmm… I don’t know how to explain it but something’s definitely changed.
This whole ring thing is having much more of an effect than I thought it would. Here I was assuming it would just be pretty and sparkly but the damn thing’s making me think and feel shit and I did not sign up for this!