Last night, we had what turned out to be a very adult conversation about how we handle our little extra-marital adventures. Aside from us both needing to agree on who we invite into our bed and the practising of safe sex, I felt I needed to explain to Jared how I often feel before and after these occurrences.
Even though, this exploration was my idea and seeing him fuck another woman is still one of my biggest turn ons, there are definitely emotional consequences that result from even the most successful coupling. Seeing your partner flirt with and pursue then later fuck someone else can be incredibly hot and yet, when all’s said and done, logic will often come swooping in to ruin all those warm fuzzy feelings. Or maybe that’s just me. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely don’t want to stop and I feel very in love and secure in my relationship but I do feel the need for extra affection to re-establish our connection after seeing him with someone else, which was pretty much the basis of our conversation.
Seeing as Marie might be joining us today, I wanted to put everything out on the table. Not that things have been going terribly thus far, more that I’d never voiced these feelings and I wanted us to be able to move forward with him knowing what I need. And what I need is to feel included in the chase, to feel like a wanted party as well – before and during (unless I just want to watch) – and, even more importantly, for him to lavish me with affection and attention at the end. Usually, I’ll be super horny because of all the fresh imagery loaded up in my mind so I’ll end up ravaging him as soon as she’s gone or asleep or whatever but, more than just sex, it’s that reconnection I end up craving. An affirmation that, despite how fucking mind blowing the sex may have been with this other woman, the love and connection and passion and desire still exists between the two of us.
As I type this, it feels like a terribly insecure thing to feel but it’s the truth. As turned on by the experience as I am and as committed as I am to the idea that sex with someone other than your partner does not automatically equal a loss or change of love between the initial couple, we’re still conditioned to think that maybe just maybe we’re wrong. So that extra time spent cuddling and fucking after the fact goes a long way to bringing me out of that weird self doubting, yet hugely aroused headspace I always find myself in after we’ve been with someone else.
To Jared’s credit, he was very understanding. As we currently don’t see any guys, his position has never felt threatened so he doesn’t have to experience the range of emotions I do when I see him with another woman. Maybe one day he will feel comfortable enough for it to happen – I hope so but am not overly phased – but until then he just needs to remain sensitive to my needs and feelings, while obviously also satisfying the needs of whoever we happen to be seeing at the time. I still definitely want us to progress into relationship space with someone because, while the sex is fun, I definitely crave a deeper connection and want to find someone we can share our rather amazing life with.
But that’s a post for another day. For now, it’s enough that the usually reticent me was able to articulate my feelings without it having to be dragged out of me, kicking and screaming. Look at me go. I just might make a good wife yet!