WordPress tells me it’s been a month since my last post and my only excuse is: I’ve been busy. Busy with my new job. Busy with uni. Busy with life getting away from me and/or getting in the way. I suppose if nothing was happening I wouldn’t have anything to write about so perhaps it’s good to have a lot going on. Still, not having anything to write about looks exactly the same as not writing anything so go figure. I need to make time for these things, I suppose.
Ok, so… we’ve had a few contenders roll in and out of play over the last month. There’s a chick we know who we’ve slept with a few times (twice, I think) but I don’t see that going any further, to be honest. Although she is very nice and does seem to enjoy having sex with us. We had a date with another girl (a primary school teacher that I matched with on Tinder) but we didn’t really connect with her. There was another Tinder match of mine who we were meant to meet end November but had to cancel at the last minute (can’t remember why) and only recently got back to her to reschedule. Unsurprisingly, she hasn’t responded as yet.
And, finally, Jared matched with a chick on Happn (if that’s the right terminology for that app, I’m not sure, I don’t have it). We met her on Saturday and the banter was good. She was very talkative (Jared thinks she was just nervous but I think she’s quite chatty normally but probably even more so due to nerves). Regardless, it went well. We have similar lifestyles and interests (she likes swingers clubs, maybe she can help convince Jared to go to one with me by making him feel like the prude of the group ;)). I’m guessing we’ll tee up another date at some point as we all agreed we clicked so I suppose it’ll just come down to when everyone’s available.
Separate from all the dating activity, it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster in other ways. I’ve decided on two things:
- I’ve found it hard to be ok with what I perceive as Jared’s prioritisation of our poly dates over our own dates. I’ve always maintained that our relationship needs to be strong and I need to feel connected before I can commit to looking for a third person and, when I feel like we hardly see each other, I, perhaps selfishly, don’t want to give up any of that time to meet someone new. When we find someone who becomes a more permanent fixture that will of course change but for now we’re just going on first dates and, in my mind, that can wait.
- I’ve decided that I can no longer participate in any threesomes or group sex activities while drunk or high. Tipsy, fine, but not wasted in any sense of the word. I can’t remember things, I can’t really understand the gravity of what I’m agreeing to and I can’t, in good conscience, make the best decision for my own mental health while under the influence. Yes, it might take some of the ‘fun’ and ‘spontaneity’ out of things but too bad. It’s something that makes me feel out of control and I always find myself regretting something so I’d rather not put myself in that situation anymore. Also, I feel I should state that I don’t need to be drunk or high when doing these things, it’s just that, to date, that’s when it all occurs; usually spontaneously when we’re out on weekends and everyone comes back to our place. Also, it will help me feel more invested in the people we’re seeing. Usually, Jared’s the only person pursuing anyone in these settings as I’m generally not that interested in sex when drunk/high. This has lead to me feeling like who we see has been decided exclusively by him and is no longer about “us” anymore. Of course, he asks me beforehand but, as I said, I don’t think I can make the right decision for myself in that state.
Personally, I don’t think these are such drastic changes. Yes, they will change how we interact with people but I think it will be for the better. We will feel more connected. The sex will be better. Everyone will feel better about what happened afterwards. There will be less regret, less embarrassment. I don’t know if there’s all that much of this going on for Jared or these other women but I know I would be a much better participant if I was clear headed (or at least more clear headed ;)).
So there you have it. The developments over the last month. I will try to write more often, if anyone cares to read them. Just got to get back into the habit, I suppose!